So I can't believe that I haven't written in almost three weeks! I totally skipped Halloween which is probably bad of me. And well, I just haven't sat down to share some craziness in the Eber household but today found me pondering a many different things and I figured I'd better get it all out.
First off, no more babies! Kalen is turning a big 4 in two weeks and two days after that, my little Zeke monster will be a whopping
O-N-E! I have a LOT of thoughts about this! This morning I was talking to another mom at preschool. She just had a baby six weeks ago. While at her postpartum appt yesterday the doctor asked her if she was sad that she had had her tubes tied. She said no but she was sad that she just wasn't "fertile" anymore. We laughed about it but she managed to help me say something that I couldn't properly express before. I am not sad that my babies are growing up. I am not sad to not be pregnant anymore. I'm certainly not sad at the idea of having another child would equal five kids! I feel old. I feel old b/c I'm not a "new mom" anymore. I feel old b/c I'm not going to have little ones anymore. I went from being a "young mom in her 20s" to be a "veteran mom of four". I feel old b/c it isn't going to be a "little family" anymore. I'm old. I know it sounds silly to some but I think it also makes total sense to most.
Secondly, while working a sewing project this morning, I was contemplating what it will be like when all four kids are in school. People ask me "will you go back to teaching?" "is there something you want to do?" Honestly, I don't want to go back to work. I want to volunteer at every book fair, classroom party, field trip, Special student lunch! I want my kids to see me at their school functions, participating and interacting with them, their classmates, their teachers and anyone else who needs me. I want to BE in my kids lives...not just at their breakfasts and bedtimes. I'm not putting anyone down but that is what I want to be; what I want to achieve, and what I know will make me feel successful at the end of each day. That's what I want to do when all my kids are in school...I want to be in their lives...dogging their every step!
Lastly, as I was sewing today, I was so excited to be able to sew. I'm not good at it. I can do blankets and square things but I like creating! I like looking back at plain fabric and seeing something beautiful that I made. When my kids are all in school and I'm not volunteering, I want to be sewing. I want to make Raggedy Anns for the world's little girls. I want to take nothing much and make it into something good (maybe even great). I love making music. Creating sound that touches the soul. I love reading. Using my imagination to create a world that fascinates me. I just like creating! It brings me such a joy.
I guess I'm not a very complicated person. I'm pretty predictable. I'm fairly simple in the joys of my life. Maybe that makes me boring. I hope not but if I'm boring, I'm okay with it. As long as my kids are happy, my husband is happy. As long as I'm happy....yeah, I'd be okay with being simple and boring :)
There is still much to do as a mama when all your kids are in school! :D
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