Zeke's first year in pictures

is troublemaker my middle name?

So, last night at a ladies' activity at church, a friend of mine with a smile on her face and a cute little voice said that I was a troublemaker.  I've been thinking about it all day and I'd like to share my conclusion.  I do not believe myself to be a troublemaker.  I AM a mischief maker but I believe them to be two different things.  I've been known to play devil's advocate and I will talk in a circle like any good philosopher will but I don't like to start trouble.  I won't run away from a fight.  I'm not afraid of confrontation, esp. if I feel like I'm defending someone I care about.  But I do not actively seek out fights, arguments, or controversy.
I do enjoy teasing and sarcasm.  I am "snarky" when I feel defensive.  And I poke fun....at everyone...but mainly myself.  I'm so good at putting myself down that I probably don't give myself enough credit. 
With that being said, I find myself evaluating my behavior (and others' behavior as well) lately.  I started this goofy thing about the Elf on the Shelf.  A lot of friends have purchased these elf dolls and each night put together an elaborate scenario of "elf magic" that their children absolutely love.  They take pictures and post them on facebook.  I'm sure they are doing great family traditions that their kids will forever remember.  Every time I try to start a family tradition my kids usually complain until I give up.  These Elves are pretty creative and take a lot of effort.  I have no qualms with anyone who likes doing it.  It just happens that about 15 people I know do this tradition and so every day in the month of December, I see several posts of elves.  With that being said, last year I made a snarky remark about the posts...not about anyone in particular, just a comment about the tradition.  A friend made a comment about me posting about my  kids all the time in place of an elf.  I laughed it off and when she started her elf tradition this year, I gave her a hard time.  It then started a mischievous tradition that I just began called "Greta the Elf, too big for a Shelf".  Mainly my tradition takes me doing mundane activities with a goofy look on my face and taking a "selfie".  Then I post it to facebook and everyone laughs at me (and to be honest, I laugh at myself).  It's all in good fun.  But as I thought of my behavior this week, I hope that everyone else knows that it is in all good fun.  I don't want or mean to "start trouble".
Now, last night, a few other people made slight comments to me about my behavior.  I paused wondering if I'm being understood.  Perhaps I'm too jovial....or sarcastic....or maybe I'm just not sensitive to others.  This is a serious point for me b/c I have an issue with a few "friends" that I feel are not sensitive to others.  They routinely make comments to me that offend me, hurt my feelings, and sometimes downright honk. me. off!  I'm certain that they have no idea that they do it.  I'm certain that they don't mean to do it.  And I wonder if I brought it up to them how would they react?  Do I do the same to others?  Do I offend, hurt feelings or honk others off?  I don't mean to.  As I stated, I'm not a troublemaker.
I'm fiercely loyal...I will fight tooth and nail for my loved ones (family and friends included).  I will not back down from defending someone I care about and I've been known to fight for the honor of others (even when they don't necessarily want me to).  I won't run from a confrontation.  Sometimes confrontation can be a good thing and is necessary.  I truly believe that.  I honestly believe that sometimes things have to be fought over to be resolved.  With that being said, I'm not afraid of a fight (even ones where I know I may not win).
Still I find myself getting frustrated with some people who upset me, offend me, or just come off as "trouble" and I find myself being afraid that others see me as "trouble".  I don't want to be trouble.  I want to be funny, goofy, and lovable.  I hope that I can work harder at coming off as mischievous and not trouble.  But also that I can note when others don't mean to be trouble but are simply misunderstood.

A week of Busy-ness and a week of Blessings

So I knew that Thanksgiving week would be a busy one.  I planned for such event but in theory, everything seems so much more doable than it actually ends up being.  Kurtis and I decided when Zeke was born that even though Kalen and Zeke have birthdays two days apart, we would make sure that each boy had his own special day and that these days would not coincide with Thanksgiving.  We knew it would be busy and tough but when I feel determined about something, I really work hard to get it.
So we started our week off on Saturday actually by planning a Full Day Date for Mommy and Daddy.  Kurtis and I (along with another couple from church) left at 8am and drove 4.5 hrs to South Bend for the Notre Dame vs. BYU football game.  The temperature was a frosty 29 degrees with a windchill of 9 degrees.  Multiple layers, copious amounts of hot chocolate, and sheer determination helped us survive the freezing cold AND the snow.  Yes, we voluntarily sat out in freezing temps and snow for hours to watch a football game.  ND won 23-13 but it was a good game and I was so thankful to have Kurtis all to myself for one day.  We drove back home after the game, getting in a little after midnight!

Sunday we took the day to rest and plan ahead for the upcoming week.  Monday was a day to prepare for Tuesday which included two Thanksgiving Feasts--one for Izzy's first grade class and one at Kal's preschool.  Isabel dressed as an Indian princess and wore a tutu that I had made for her.  I made 5 lbs of mashed potatoes for the feast.  The hidden blessing was that the school cafeteria also made mashed potatoes and when there were leftovers, they simply dumped them in the nearest empty crockpot (which happened to be mine).  I came home from school with more mashed potatoes than what I sent to school that  morning.  I also had to make cupcakes for Kal's feast b/c we also celebrated his birthday at school.

On Wednesday, it was the 4th birthday of one Joseph Kalen Eber!  He was so excited all day to celebrate his birthday.  It was a construction vehicle theme.  I made the cake and he loved blowing out the candles.  He giggled his evil manical laugh the entire we were singing and the candles were on fire!  He thought that was pretty funny.  Pa even dressed as a construction worker to enjoy the event.  We also tried to take pictures of all the boys in the family and all the girls.

 On Thursday the madness continued as we gathered together again for Thanksgiving and Zeke's 1st birthday.  I hadn't seen my Grandma since Grandpa's funeral in April so I was very excited that she decided to come to Thanksgiving with the family.  It brings tears to my eyes to see everyone "gathered together".  Adding that to the celebration of Zeke's birth just one year ago made all the craziness worth it.  How blessed I am to have four beautiful, healthy children who wear me out, wear me down, and fill my heart with complete joy (and exasperation).  Zeke simple decorations were just 1st birthday themed but he seemed to enjoy the attention and toys!  We also got together for another momentous photo, one of all four generations of  Mays.

Today, as I type this, it is the actual day of Zeke's birthday.  I am sad b/c he is the last baby.  I'm sad b/c I won't have these moments again.  But I am so thankful for my beloved baby boy. His smile lights my day and his giggle warms my heart.  Zeke commemorated his birthday yesterday by climbing out of the crib for the first time and falling on his head.  His favorite person is my dad, Papaw!  He loves him and will leave anyone's arms for my dad.  He follows him around and reaches his arms up for Pa to hold him all the time.  He loves to say "Dadada!" and tries to lift his arm to wave "bye" but he doesn't wave it or anything.  He started walking at 10 months and have 8 teeth!
Tonight we will finish off our busy week with Thanksgiving dinner with Kurtis' side of the family.  We were also participating in Family Proclamation Week this week.  The first night we tried to make homemade ornaments and it was a disaster so I threw them out!  Monday night was Family Game night on the Wii.  Tuesday we went to tithing settlement at church and went to the pet store to buy things for our new fish!  Wednesday night was Kal's birthday party and we made construction paper turkey family by tracing our feet for the turkey body and our hands for the turkey feathers....we had everyone together so we actually made an extended turkey family!  It's so cute to see it on our wall!  Thursday night was Thanksgiving and Zeke's birthday party.  Friday we put up the Christmas decorations which is a tradition that I'm trying to start with the kids.  Tomorrow night will be making Ninjabread cookies and movie night to finish up our Family Proclamation week!  I'm so thankful for my family.  I don't always like everyone (or even myself) but I love them all!  I try to give of myself freely to my family (immediate and extended).  I am forever mindful of my blessings even when things are difficult.  I love my life!  I do complain and I do get overwhelmed and I am not always grateful BUT I would not give up the busy-ness or craziness for anything in the world!

Kalen-isms

Kalen climbed up on the couch next to me to watch his shows. I leaned over and very gently kissed him on the cheek. He replies "I love you too Mom!" I'm so happy that for all my faults, my kids know I love them b/c I show them, not in big or grand ways but in the little things. My sweet boy makes me happy.

Family Proclamation Week is upon us. Our church congregation takes the week of Thanksgiving and spends each evening focusing on the family. Some turn off TV, some cancel other activities that week. We just focus on spending some time with the family doing something fun. Tonight we made ornaments with our thumb prints to give to family. They did not turn out the way I hoped but we had fun.  I also asked the children one thing they were thankful for: Kalen: "I'm thankful for God, Jesus, Mamaw and Papaw AND Uncle Joe!!!!"  Isabel didn't want to answer and Sam said that since Izzy didn't answer, he didn't have to either.  We'll try again tomorrow!

that holiday between Halloween and Christmas

So I may say this every year but Thanksgiving really means something to me.  I can't tell you many memories of Thanksgiving as a kid.  I don't have any.  I just remember getting out of school, occasionally getting together with extended family and that's it.  We didn't watch football games or do crazy Thanksgiving traditions.  It was just that holiday between Halloween and Christmas.  I do remember that my mother refused to put up anything Christmas until after Thanksgiving Day so when I was in Jr. High and High School, it became a tradition to put up Christmas decorations the day after Thanksgiving Day (no Black Friday sales for us--I'm not even sure Black Friday was a big deal back then).  And really has an adult, the feeling hadn't changed much. Thanksgiving wasn't a big holiday.  I do remember our first Thanksgiving together, I was pregnant with Sam and we had the big dinner at our house.  I couldn't sleep and got up late to clean the kitchen.  At about 1 in the morning, I felt Sammy move inside my belly for the first time.  That was the only exciting Thanksgiving I could think of.....until four years ago.
Thanksgiving 2009 was the life changer.  We scheduled my cesarian section for 7am on the Friday after Thanksgiving.  I stuffed myself ridiculously b/c I knew I had an eight hour fast waiting for me that night.  We got up early to beat the Black Friday traffic to get to the hospital.  We didn't even know if the baby was boy or girl.  We already had one of each, why not be surprised?  And surprised we were when we got our brand new boy, Joseph Kalen Eber.  Fast forward three years, the Thursday after Thanksgiving...one whole week since the holiday and we found ourself again welcoming a brand new boy into our lives, Ezekiel Robert Eber.
This year we celebrate Kal's fourth birthday on Wednesday, Thanksgiving on Thursday, and Zeke's first birthday on Friday.  What a great way to remember that Thanksgiving is the holiday of Gratitude, Blessings, Family, and Love.  For all the chaos that next week will bring, for all the many pounds we will gain from feasting and birthday cakes, I'm so thankful for my family, my children, my two little guys.  I'm so blessed to have these special people in my life.  I'm so happy to have a family to love and care for. 
Yes, Thanksgiving is the holiday between Halloween and Christmas but it is so much more to me.  I have two little boys that bring LIFE to this holiday (no pun intended).  They make it meaningful, they make it blessed, they make it special!  And that makes me grateful!

Kalen figures out patterns

After watching an episode of Team Umizoomi today (it's a kids' show on Nickolodeon that focuses on math), he decided to play "pattern power".  He lined up his Hotwheels cars and then yelled at them if they weren't in the correct pattern--"woo-woo car, woo-woo car, car" NOT "woo-woo car, car, car, car".  It was very funny to listen to him straigten his toys out to the correct pattern.  But I suppose I should be happy that he is learning.
We also went to the Fairborn Police Dept yesterday.  Sam needed to go to earn his Wolf Badge and Uncle Joe met us on his day off.  As we were on our way there, I asked Kalen what he was excited about seeing at the Police Station.  He said the Ambulance.  I explained to him that the ambulances did not stay at the police station but the fire station.  As we were heading to the parking lot to see Uncle Joe's cruiser, we spotted two ambulances in the back of the parking lot.  Kalen turned around to me and said "I told you they would be here!"  It just so happened that one ambulance had broken down and they were switching the gear out into the other one.  Kalen was very satisfied that he knew more than me.

a stay at home mom

While waiting to pick Kal up from preschool, I began a conversation with a woman who was there to pick up her great grandson.  She watches both her great-grandson and his little sister so her granddaughter can work.  She makes the comment to me that she was a stay-at-home mother but watched her granddaughter while her daughter worked and now watches the great-grandchildren while her granddaughter works.  She proceeds to say "It is just too hard to live on one salary these days.  The woman has to work to afford anything."  I'm not a shy person when it comes to this topic and I didn't want to  come off as a fanatic.  I certainly feel that each person should make their own decision on whether or not to work or stay at home.  My sister proclaims that she could never be a stay at home b/c she would go nuts.  I simply replied "My husband and I made the decision before we got married that I would stay at home if we had kids.  It was a choice that was made early on.  My husband even went into work and asked for a raise b/c I was pregnant and we knew I would not work anymore.  He was able to get a raise and it takes work.  You give up things, fun things but you learn your priorities and I love being with my kids."
Though the conversation wasn't a long one and though it wasn't an indepth thing, it has been in my mind all day.  Especially when I get in the mail, the credit card bill that includes new van tires, a new timing belt for the car, and the new battery for the van.  Let's not forget some of our Christmas gifts for the kids....oh, and two little boys' birthday presents for the end of November.  NO!  Being an one-salary family is NOT easy.  No!  It is NOT something that anybody and everybody does.  And YES!  there are times that I worry or we tighten our belts or we go without things.  We are not rich financially!  We are not financially set for life!  We do not take family vacations every year or even every other year.  BUT we are rich!  We are blessed!  We are healthy!  We are family!  We are a couple that made a decision that was not easy then and is not easy now.  We stick by our standards, our faith, our hope, and our family.  So yes, I've thought alot about this today.  Yes, I'm a stay at home mom.  And NO!  I wouldn't have it any other way!

Sam and Mom chat of the heart

Conversation in the car on the way home from Scouts:
Mom: "Sam, name your five best friends in your class."
(After Sam names a boy in his class) Mom: "I like him too!"
Sam: "Do you like him? Like like him? Or like kiss him?"
Mom:"What?! No, I like him; he's nice."
(After Sam names a girl in his class) Mom: "Do you like her? Like like her? or Like kiss her?"
Sam: "No!! Just like like."
Mom: "Like like she's pretty?"
Sam: "No! Just like; she's nice and shares paper and pencils with me."
I was so confused!

time to write out some thoughts

So I can't believe that I haven't written in almost three weeks!  I totally skipped Halloween which is probably bad of me.  And well, I just haven't sat down to share some craziness in the Eber household but today found me pondering a many different things and I figured I'd better get it all out.
First off, no more babies!  Kalen is turning a big 4 in two weeks and two days after that, my little Zeke monster will be a whopping
O-N-E!  I have a LOT of thoughts about this!  This morning I was talking to another mom at preschool.  She just had a baby six weeks ago.  While at her postpartum appt yesterday the doctor asked her if she was sad that she had had her tubes tied.  She said no but she was sad that she just wasn't "fertile" anymore.  We laughed about it but she managed to help me say something that I couldn't properly express before.  I am not sad that my babies are growing up.  I am not sad to not be pregnant anymore.  I'm certainly not sad at the idea of having another child would equal five kids!  I feel old.  I feel old b/c I'm not a "new mom" anymore.  I feel old b/c I'm not going to have little ones anymore.  I went from being a "young mom in her 20s" to be a "veteran mom of four".  I feel old b/c it isn't going to be a "little family" anymore.  I'm old.  I know it sounds silly to some but I think it also makes total sense to most. 
Secondly, while working a sewing project this morning, I was contemplating what it will be like when all four kids are in school.  People ask me "will you go back to teaching?"  "is there something you want to do?"  Honestly, I don't want to go back to work.  I want to volunteer at every book fair, classroom party, field trip, Special student lunch!  I want my kids to see me at their school functions, participating and interacting with them, their classmates, their teachers and anyone else who needs me.  I want to BE in my kids lives...not just at their breakfasts and bedtimes.  I'm not putting anyone down but that is what I want to be; what I want to achieve, and what I know will make me feel successful at the end of each day.  That's what I want to do when all my kids are in school...I want to be in their lives...dogging their every step!
Lastly, as I was sewing today, I was so excited to be able to sew.  I'm not good at it.  I can do blankets and square things but I like creating!  I like looking back at plain fabric and seeing something beautiful that I made.  When my kids are all in school and I'm not volunteering, I want to be sewing.  I want to make Raggedy Anns for the world's little girls.  I want to take nothing much and make it into something good (maybe even great).  I love making music.  Creating sound that touches the soul.  I love reading.  Using my imagination to create a world that fascinates me.  I just like creating!  It brings me such a joy.
I guess I'm not a very complicated person.  I'm pretty predictable.  I'm fairly simple in the joys of my life.  Maybe that makes me boring.  I hope not but if I'm boring, I'm okay with it.  As long as my kids are happy, my husband is happy.  As long as I'm happy....yeah, I'd be okay with being simple and boring :)

"this one's for the children"

So lately, life in the Eber household has been a litte strenuous!  We're working really hard to help Sam adjust to his counselor and work through his emotional meltdowns and Kurtis and I are feeling the strain.  I think Kurtis is struggling with this problem that he can't fix.  Men are "problem solvers" and having a problem that he can't just "solve" is difficult for him.  My struggle comes from the fact that Sam is alot like me.  Most of these issues: the being over sensitive, being a perfectionist, worrying, and caring so much about doing well all are traits that I possess too.  I was blaming myself b/c "he gets these traits from me so it must be my fault".  But in a conversation with a good friend of mine and also the Bishop of our church, Jeremy said that these common traits that Sam and I share were traits of our spirits before we came to earth.  In our faith, we believe we had a premortal existence...one that included our personalities before we received our earthly bodies.  So Sam and I were "kindred spirits" sharing similar personalities.  Maybe my Heavenly Father sent Sam to me so that I could use our similar traits to help him through his struggles.  Instead of being the cause of his strong personality, I'm meant to be a help through his struggles.  I've been entrusted to help him when he doesn't know how to work through his emotions.  Some people would say "well duh!"  But for me this came as a profound insight!  Something that I hadn't even considered.  I just assumed all his faults and struggles as my own and felt not only as a failure myself but as failing my son as well.  What a deep effect this has on me....to realize that even though I'm not sure how I'm meant to help him through this, I CAN help him through this and I WILL help him through this.  And maybe we'll have a stronger connection as mother and son because of it.
With that being said, I always talk about how strong-willed Isabel is but the other day I had a brief moment of pure gratitude toward my little girl.  Isabel is only six years old; she is the only girl in a house full of brothers; she is a girl who knows her worth.  Kurtis had been at work all day, had taken Sam to an evening dr appt and then went to scouts with Sam.  I had hurried everyone through homework and dinner and was sitting next Zeke while he took FOREVER to eat his dinner.  I desperately wanted a few minutes to myself and to be honest, I needed to use the bathroom.  I asked Izzy to sit next to Zeke's highchair and just help him eat and watch that he didn't choke as he ate.  She stopped in the middle of her coloring, came and sat with her baby brother and made him smile while I hid in the bathroom for just two or three minutes of solitude.  It made me think back to when Zeke was first born and Kurtis and Sam would rush off to work and school.  Isabel would often get up with Daddy and feed Zeke a bottle while Daddy got ready for work.  Then Kurtis would put Zeke back in his crib and Izzy would watch TV, all while I got to sleep in an extra 30 or so minutes.  What a beloved little girl to let Mommy sleep a little bit extra while she, 6 years old and kindergartener, would feed her little brother!  I'm so grateful to Isabel for being such a sweet girl who "mothers" her brothers and helps me when I'm overwhelmed.
I truly have just wonderful little people in my home and my biggest hope and desire is that they grow up knowing how much I love them, how much I treasure being their mother, and no matter who they become, I will always consider them my best successes!

Beginning of the school year is always the hardest

I was looking back at my blog this time last year and I read where I was struggling with the kids at the beginning of the year.  Sam and Isabel each had their struggles to the beginning of 2nd grade and kindergarten.  As I sit here now and think about the beginning of 3rd and 1st grades, I see new struggles for my kids.  New difficulties, new challenges, new obstacles that I need to help them face and new challenges for me as I sometimes have to let them struggle on their own.
Isabel has started this year off with pretty good moments.  She seems to have gotten a handle on this potty thing and is doing well with taking breaks and braving the scary toilets.  However, she is now starting to exert her more dominate self by refusing to participate in class, dragging out working in her journal and surprisingly, she is not enthusiastic about reading.  I guess it's strange to me b/c I love to read and Sam seems to have developed a love for reading too.  But for Isabel, reading is not easy and therefore she gets tired of it.  I have to try to invent fun and new ways to help her through it.
Samuel struggles are far more prominent as of late.  A few weeks ago, I received a phone call from Sam's teacher telling us that Samuel was having meltdowns, throwing tantrums and becoming disruptive.  She asked that we taken him to the pediatrician to see if there is anything that can help him.  I immediately feared that he would need medication.  Now, I have no problem with diagnosing and medicating a child if they are struggling with a behavioral disorder, however I'm not sure that Sam is in need of such measures.  I was very relieved when we met with the pediatrician and she didn't even suggest medication.  She said that what Sam is going through is somewhat normal and he just needs some help until he can mature a bit.  So Sam has begun seeing a counselor. He's only had one visit so far but he is excited to get some help and to have someone to talk to, someone who listens to him and can help him deal with things.  In addition to this, Sam finally opened up to his dad and told him about some bullying that was happening at school. 
                          I'm a little tough when it comes to bully issues b/c I think sometimes getting teased or taunted helps toughen our kids 
                          up for the real world.  I know I could open a whole can of worms with people who would not appreciate my opinion. 
                          I was bullied a bit as a kid and it hurt and it sucked and I hated aspects of my childhood b/c of it.  But it toughened me
                          up, it prepared me for life, for adulthood where life isn't fair, the good guys don't always win, and sometimes things
                          just downright stink!  Now I digress, back to Sam.....
So we called the school and spoke to the teachers.  Since then, this child has been moved away from Sam and Sam said that they hardly speak to each other.  Suddenly, Sam was doing much better!  Hooray for that...plus his grades are s.l.o.w.l.y. improving....emphasis on slow but I can see a light at the end of the tunnel.  With that being said, I get frustrated with his teachers for sending me emails like today emphasizing that for the first time in two weeks (since we started getting him help) he had a meltdown.  Now, I realize that this is a blessing.  The teacher wants to keep me informed.  She wants me to be aware of how often his tantrums occur.  I get all that.  I realize that she is doing her job and trying to help. But the mom in me is frustrated!  Please teacher, look at my son!  Look at how he has improved!  Look at how hard he is trying!  Look at how he is a young boy who is trying desperately to keep up with all these demands that are now put upon him!  Now, in her defense, she may actually be looking at these things and I just don't know it.  I'll be honest, I have no reason to doubt these teachers aren't doing the best they can with Sam.  But boy, does it wear on me that I cannot go to his school, scoop him up into my lap and help on his spelling test.  I cannot take him in my arms when he's frustrated and crying and do the work for him.  I cannot step into the classroom and act as a mediator between my child and his teachers.  He has to work through the tough stuff!!  This is the hard parenting part!  This is the moment when you look at your child and say I love you and I'm giving you a chance to work through the tough stuff so you can be an incredible man one day!  It is so much harder to force your child to work through trials than going through trials on your own.  Oh how I pray on a daily basis to be compassionate towards the teachers, Sam, and myself.  This is not fun, it is not easy, and it is a constant worry on me.
I wonder if others go through this and don't ever express it.  Maybe people see my smile and assume that everything and everyday is happy, go-lucky.  Do others go through the same thing?  Do others smile when really they need a hug or gentle word?  I need to be more aware.  As for me, I could use a hug every single day.

Mini-Me

When Isabel had her kindergarten picture taken last year, I noticed that it looked alot like my kindergarten picture.  So I did a side-by-side comparison.  Then when we got a picture of Kalen earlier this week, I noticed a similarity to a picture of Kurtis when he was little.  So I'm posting them so we can enjoy the comparisons in the years to come.

a few notes for the posterity

Yesterday Zeke took two steps for the first time.  He was walking to me from the couch.  He is very good at holding on to something and walking but this was the "first step" without assistance.

While cleaning up toys today, I asked Kalen: "where is Boulder?  I want to put him away with the other Transformers?"
Kalen : "I don't know; he's out looking for Megatron!"
I suppose I just leave him to his mission then.

update on funny things kids say

while playing Mario Bros today, this is the conversation:
Me: Kal, let's not play this level. it's too hard
Kal: I got a great idea?
Me: okay, what?
Kal: Let's not die!

while watching his sister in her ballet and tap dance classes, Kalen tells me "That was awesome!!!"  I thought he'd be bored but I guess not!

a chance to teach again

My last year of teaching music in the public school setting was 2003-2004. Long story short, the principal and I had a difference of opinion and I was told constantly throughout that year how I was a terrible teacher, I had no business teaching kids and I "lacked enthusiasm" as a classroom teacher. Kurtis and I had just married and were hoping to have kids so I went ahead and quit teaching, thinking this was the Lord's way of giving me an easy out. But over the years, I have thought alot about what she said. I felt that I was a horrible teacher, that I could never go back to teaching, that I had failed in the life calling. I've even had recurrent nightmares that I couldn't get a teaching job. Last Jan, I was asked to teach music to the children at church. I've been doing it since. I was so worried (am still worried) that I wouldn't be good at it, that I would damage the kids somehow by teaching it incorrectly. This month I've been asked to teach a class for other music teachers from different congregations in our area. I'm to give a 45 minute lesson on techniques to help the kids learn. What a humbling and overwhelming gift I've been given! A chance to redeem myself and maybe see that teaching is a calling that I don't have to give up!

The gift of gab

I am a talker.  I've been one most of my life. My mom likes to say that I was over 2 years old when I finally started talking and they haven't shut me up since!  I just talk a lot.  I can be quiet and I do have moments where I enjoy the silence but for the most part, I find quiet and silence awkward.  So often, when in crowds, I'll talk...to anyone...anyone sitting next to me, standing in front of me in the checkout line, someone walking down the sidewalk next to me.  I'll talk to anyone just to simply have a good conversation.  But here is why it is on my mind lately...
I've had a few people tell me how I talk so much.  It bothers them or they question why I can talk about anything to anyone.  And here is why I think that is.
First, I talk through situations and trials.  Not because talking about the problem solves the problem but simply b/c talking about the problem makes me feel better.  I feel better when I'm going through something to tell people about what I'm going through.  I'm not a "suffer in silence" type of girl.  Some people are and that's okay.  In fact, I have a few close friends that can go through SERIOUS trials in their lives and not tell a soul.  They might even consider me a dear friend but they aren't going to tell me that they have cancer until I pry it out of them (true story).  That's their perogative and I'm okay with that.  But for me,  I like to talk it out.  Lay out all my cards on the table.  If you ask me how I am, I'm going to tell you honestly--whether I'm good, bad, or ugly, I'll tell you.  And I think that's okay too.  It's what works for me.
Second, I find almost always that when I talk through something especially a trial or hardship, someone else appreciates hearing it.  So many times people will tell me "I'm glad you said something" or "I'm going through the same thing and haven't talked about it" or "I needed to hear that".  Misery does indeed love company.  Sometimes when you're crying and life sucks, it's so nice to have someone to commiserate with.  I know that sounds silly or wrong but it's true.  Sometimes when someone else's day stinks just as bad as my day stinks, I feel not quite so alone!  It's just true. So I like thinking that by talking things out, I'm helping or affecting other people.  My talking can be a gift.  It can help other people feel less inhibited in talking through things.
Lastly, this is who I am.  In the scriptures, there is a passage talking about the "tongue of angels", "the language of angels", and describing such as a gift.  I'm not saying I'm an angel.  Nor will I say that my incessant speech is any way a divine attribute.  But I do like to think that sometimes I'm inspired to talk to someone that needed to hear something.  Or maybe they just needed someone to talk to them, to acknowledge them...sometimes a stranger smiling at me and saying hello in WalMart makes my day!  Wouldn't it be amazing if you just made the checkout lady's day simply by saying "hello, how's your day going?  Is it busy today or are you getting a little break?" 
I'm not saying that all speech that comes out of my mouth is good.  And I know there are people out there that would prefer I keep my opinion to myself.  But this is on my mind today.  Yes, I talk alot.  Yes, most of my talk is fluff.  And frequently, most of my speech is grumpy and complaining.  But I think that there are people out there who need to talk.  They need to be heard.  One of my greatest fears in life is that I will leave this world and not be missed.  Truly!  I'm so scared that I will die and no one will come to my funeral.  So, if you're around when I die, come to my funeral, share stories of how I would never shut up and sometimes you wanted to slap me silly but remember that there were times when you needed to hear what I had to say.  If that happens, I think I'll probably be pretty satisfied that I had a good gift of gab.

My real age

Kurtis' dad had a stroke two weeks ago and it took us all by surprise.  Charles is a young 74 years old and still does hikes and camp outs with his 11 year old scouts.  With that being said, I often say that Charles at 74yo is healthier than my parents at 64yo.  But when confronted with this new development, the Eber kids were all talking and the comment "Dad needs to act his age" came up.  Some of us (myself included) want him to take it easy from the hiking and the camping while others think he should do what he likes to do and is physically capable to do no matter his age.  It's all been a very interesting thing and has caused me to ponder my own AGE and how I should be acting and so here it is:
I like to think that I'm living my ideal age.  Now my ideal age, my REAL AGE, is not a number.  It's a mindset.  I like to think that I'm YOUNG ENOUGH that I'm still cool to the younger generation.  I'm YOUNG ENOUGH to be in touch with the younger generation and what they like.  I'm YOUNG ENOUGH to have fun and be whimsical and carefree.  But I'm also OLD ENOUGH to have wisdom to offer the younger generation.   I'm OLD ENOUGH to appreciate and have learned from my past experiences, good and bad.  But I'm also YOUNG ENOUGH to hope for more experiences, good and bad.  I'm OLD ENOUGH to know that I don't know everything but YOUNG ENOUGH to keep learning.  I'm OLD ENOUGH to know better and YOUNG ENOUGH to sometimes not care :)  I like to think that I'm at the ideal age, the real age I want to be.  It's not a 20s, 30s, or 40s thing.  It's the age where I appreciate my life and see my growth but at the same time, I hope I have more growing to do and look forward to doing it.  I just want to be YOUNG, OLD ENOUGH to always look around me and appreciate, love, and keep dreaming.

One year older and wiser too?

When I was 17yo, I was a senior in high school.  I was going to graduate in May and start college in the Fall.  Two weeks after starting Wittenberg Univ, I turned 18!  I knew myself (or so I thought).  I was a good person.  I was smart and I knew where I wanted to go and who I was.
By the time I turned 22, I had graduated college in the spring and was just beginning my career as a teacher!  I had my own apartment, I had a good job that I loved, and I knew who I was and what I wanted.....though I had discovered along the way that I was not who I thought I was at 18 and I was not where I thought I would be.  I was still a good person, I thought I was smart and I thought I turned out pretty good.
By 25yo, I was a newlywed (married a little over a year), expecting my first child and giving up my "career" to become a mother!  I owned a house (with my husband), I had dinner on the table when he got home from work.  I felt I was even smarter than before and I REALLY knew I was.
By the time I was 30, I was expecting my THIRD child!  We were in the process of buying our second home (and trying to sell our first) and I had learned that motherhood was my career (one that I would never retire from).  By then I was certain of who I was and I was starting to realize that I was not any wiser than when I was 17!
In a few days I will turn the wizened 34 years of age.  In all my time on earth I have earned a high school diploma and a Bachelor's degree.  I have had a teaching career and learned a viable skill using music and sharing my passion of it.  I have married (and so far, stayed married) to an amazing man who loves me unconditionally and quite honestly, he puts up with all my crud when I'm pretty sure everyone else would run from if they could.  I have given birth to four amazingly beautiful, healthy and vibrant children (and no, I'm not biased in the least).  I consider myself a somewhat knowledgable woman though I'm sure I lack certain common sense.  But as I think about this past year and the ups and downs, I'm not sure I'm any wiser.  I think I know who I am but I REALLY know who I want to be.....I'm just not her yet.  I'm not as patient as she is.  I'm not as compassionate as she is.  I'm not nearly as smart as she is.  And well, I just don't know if I'll ever be as beautiful as she is BUT I'm trying!  I'm a little more tolerant than last year.  I'm way better at sympathizing than I was last year.  I'm trying to complain less (some days are better than others).  I try to work harder and even play harder as well.  I volunteer more than last year.  And I'm learning to be kinder in my honesty.
What I'm trying to say is...I know I have a lot of things to improve upon.  I still don't really know who I am but I know who I'm not.  I know what I've accomplished.  I know what I want to still achieve.  I don't mind getting older as long as I still enjoy the good things, the fun things, the things that make life worth living, the things that keep you young in spite of your age.  So I'll smile when my birthday comes along and I'll remind myself that the Greta I am at 34yo is still a good Greta...until she gets even better!

a month in the life of Zeke

Just a fun idea to post monthly pics of Zeke now that he is 9 months.  Just curious to see how he's grown....take a look!

Starting Sept off right

Well, so much for catching up and staying caught up!  I totally blew off the last week of August and now we're in Sept!  Woo, better get caught up....again.....
So Kalen had his first day of preschool and LOVED IT!  He is going to the same preschool Sammy went to and even though we haven't been there for a few years his teachers both said "he's just like Sam."  I found it a little surprising b/c I have in my memory that Sam was a little more mellow than Kalen but maybe I'm wrong.  Maybe I just keep telling myself that.  Needless to say, last week Kalen was great. He doesn't cry when he gets dropped off, just runs to play.  He told my sister today that he has "lots of friends".   On Thursday as we were leaving, he made me walk back into the school (we were already in the parking lot) so he could tell Mrs. Frey goodbye!  He really enjoys getting his bookbag on and going with Daddy and the older kids to go school.  The last three days he's gone to school, he has been dressed and wearing his backpack before I'm even out of bed.  I hope he keeps loving school this much.

Sammy has been growing a garden in Cub Scouts this summer and in May he came home with Sunflower seeds.  We planted them and boy did they grow!  He's been so proud of them and I'm happy to see him work hard at something and then have it come to fruition...literally!  He also enjoyed picking his tomatoes and then going around one Monday evening and passing them out to friends.  It really brought him a lot of joy!

This past weekend we drove to Michigan to stay and visit with Kurtis' brother Kelly and family.  The kids had a blast.  Kelly and Chalene were married the same year as Kurtis and I and every year one of us has had a kid so has the other so:
We have Sam (8yo) they have Evan (8yo).  We have Iz (6yo), they have Benjamin (6yo).  They have Kayla (4yo), we have Kal (soon to be 4yo) and we both had babies in 2012: Savannah and Zeke.  So it's fun when the kids get together and have time to play.  Evan was getting baptized and it was so sweet to be there and be a part of it.  I know Kurtis loves supporting his brother and being able to watch his nephews/nieces grow up.  It was a good time.

catching up with August

The month of August has been a busy one and I feel like I've not been good at keeping up with it at all.
We started the month on a high note: Sammy's baptism.  Sammy turned eight in May and we decided to postpone his baptism until all of Kurtis' family came to visit this summer.  When we found out that the Utah crew would be pulling in on Sat August 3rd, I got really excited.  August 3 marked my baptism into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and I was able to watch my son get baptized on the same day in the same place 11 years after his mom.  What made the day more special was the fact that my husband's family was in attendance (minus a few) and my parents and sisters all attended.  Sammy was baptized with his cousin May Lee and we had around 100 people crammed into a small room to see it happen.  Sammy also had two school friends attend which was super fun.  I don't think he knew that he could bring together "school" and "church" so it was a neat experience for him. 
The day started with some surprises.  Kurtis' sisters were supposed to head out on Wed toward Ohio.  Shortly after leaving, one sister had a vehicle break down and they were stuck in Denver until Friday 1:00pm.  Kurtis' mom didn't want to freak me out so she didn't tell me until Sat morning!  Needless to say, it freaked me out!  Around noon on Saturday (the baptism was at 5:00pm), Kurtis' sister called to say that they had driven straight from Colorado and were going to surprise everyone by getting there in time for the baptism!  They made it and it was a fun surprise despite the fear that they wouldn't make it.
In addition, earlier on Sat morning, my mom called to tell me that my great Aunt Fern (my grandpa's sister) had passed away unexpectedly that day.  Grandpa had passed away in April and Aunt Fern was like a surrogate grandma to my kids.  Aunt Fern had a daughter born on May 4 (same day as Sammy) and her daughter passed away when she was still a teenager.  When I had Sammy on the same day, Aunt Fern instantly made a connection to him.  She sent him birthday and Christmas presents, Easter baskets and talked about my kids a great deal.  She felt very close to my kids.  For her to pass on Sammy's baptism day was a crazy thing.  My family and I like to think that she was there for Sammy's baptism.  I think she still feels that connection to him and was watching out for him in a way that we couldn't predict.  It was bittersweet but I found a peace in her passing.
Once all of Kurtis' family made into town, we had what I like to call "Everything Eber week".  Every other year, the whole family meets up in Kettering and we spend about 10 days together just being together.  This year I counted 41 Ebers participating in the festivities!  It is a bit insane!  We  had the baptism of Sam and May, Field Day, went swimming, frisbee golfing, went to Young's Dairy, Cox Arboretum,  Kettering Rec Center and much more!  It was a fun time and we're always sad when we have to see everyone go.  It is particularly hard b/c we only see the children every other year and they grow up so quickly.  Kurtis' niece Kaylee who really gave me a fit for marrying her Uncle Kurtis is now going to college for her freshman year and has a "boyfriend".  I'm just not used to it all yet.

These are just a few pictures of life with the crews. 

After everyone headed back to their respective homes, we had one week to prepare for the beginning of school.  Isabel went with Mommy, Papaw, and Mamaw to the new American Girl store in Columbus!  She's been dying to go and it was a lot of fun for her.  The place was packed and majorly crazy but still, she is worth it!

Lastly school started yesterday for Sam and Isabel.  Sam is in third grade now and honestly, it doesn't really catch me unless I pause to think about it.  I can't believe he is getting so big but I'm so proud of the little man he is and I'm excited to watch him do new things.  Isabel is now in first grade and I have a lot of anxiety for her.  Simply, Isabel is her own person.  She does what she wants....when she wants...how she wants and at times, I fear that she won't do well out in the world where people are not going to cater to her whims.  But I'm excited that she had a great first day and I'm really hoping that this year is a year of growth for her.

Kalen will start preschool on Thursday and I will post about it when the time comes.  Till then................