and so a new year begins

I probably should've written this yesterday and started all fresh today but alas, I do what I can!  I look back at 2011 with 20/20 vision but still it had its moments of suckage.  During 2011, Kurtis and I witnessed on both sides of our families, a marriage that ended unexpectedly.  It was heartwrenching to watch our siblings go through difficult times and really forced us to focus on our marriage's strengths and weaknesses.  Another of Kurtis' siblings (to whom I am very close) moved back to Utah.  As well, I had a dear friend move to Colorado.  I truly felt a sense of loss as friends and family moved and/or left the family.  I had moments where I felt very alone and truly had massive self-pity parties.  I cried alot to God and sometimes I yelled.  I was not very gracious at moments and I'm sure my Father in Heaven  crossed his arms and tapped his fingers waiting for me to finish my temper tantrums. (I wish I could say that I got over it quickly.)  I look back at my behavior and I own it. I'm fully aware of the wonderful blessings in my life.  I am married to a truly wonderful man who also happens to be the love of my life.  And surprisingly enough, he loves me too!  I'm thankful for my beautiful children who are healthy, happy and strong-willed.  At times, the strong-willed part gets to be a bit much but I'll take it (it's way better than apathy).  We have a nice house that yes, could be bigger, cleaner, and paid for but hey, it's home:)  My husband has a steady income that seems to be gone before we get it but at least the bills are paid.
I am far from perfect and honestly, no one is harder on me than I am on myself.  I can easily see others' successes and talents while I struggle constantly to see the good in myself.  I often feel like I'm on the outside looking in (and maybe sometimes I am).  But at least I'm looking!  I guess what I'm trying to say is that I want to be a good person.  I want to know what I did good, not so good, and sometimes just plain bad.  All these experiences help me to be who I am and though I would rather not relive some moments of 2011, I'm glad I lived through it.  I'm glad that I have 2012 to try new things, keep some old things, and well, hopefully, be better.  I started this blog partly so my kids would have something to look back on.  So to end the year, I would say this to them: your mother is a crazy woman who stumbles along the way most of time!  But you'll never doubt that she is fiercely loyal, completely honest, and way too stubborn to ever give up on something or someone she believes in.
Happy New Year!  May this year be a year of growth for all us....come what may and love it:)

Christmas photo 2011

I bought the kids new outfits for Christmas Sunday...Sam got a new sweater and Izzy got a new dress.  No, Kalen did not get a new outfit but he still looked adorable today!  Kurtis actually dressed the kids last Sunday for church and put them in their Christmas Sunday outfits a week early...I decided to not let it bother me and had the kids pose for pics a week early.  We got some adorable shots but the picture below captures it all.

Let's be honest..this is probably the best depiction of life at our house lately.  My brother says that I have to make this our picture for next year's Christmas card and I tend to agree with him.  Who cares if I'm not in the picture; this one is perfect.  I love looking at it and laugh every time.  Not because Izzy is crying but just b/c Kalen is always picking on her and she is always upset about him.  Sam is always aloof and Kurtis is always trying to keep us all sane.  It is the most honest picture I can get of my crew.  I will throw in some really good shots too! 

slavedriver

after asking Izzy to hang up her coat and put her shoes away, she looks at me and says "am I your servant? why do you make me do all this stuff?"
Can you guess the things Mommy says to her kids when she's had a rough day? well, I suppose this is a lesson for both of us:/

my little graduate!

Today Samuel came home with a special certificate and announced that he had "graduated" from speech!  We found out a few weeks ago that he was being released from speech therapy at school but today was his big day.  He got to bring a friend from class to speech and they played games with his speech teacher.  Sam has been in speech for two and a half years and it was a rough journey.  He is a perfectionist and would often get frustrated at having to practice and didn't like being corrected on his speech.  He still is not perfect with it but with prompting, he can correct most of his speech issues without difficulty.  I'm so proud of my little man!  This has been a tough journey for us. Though Sam's speech was never a life-threatening or dire issue, it was still a challenge for Sam and for Kurtis and I.  I'm so thankful for his hardwork and diligence.  I'm thankful for a chance to be his mom and love him the way I do.  I'm thankful for a Father in Heaven who sent me this sweet little thing that is my son.  What a great little perk in my day! 

the new and improved Kurtis

For awhile now, Kurtis and I have talked about him cutting his hair-short--really short--bald essentially because of that thing that happens to men that they can't control, premature baldness.  My husband is not a vain man.  In fact, when we first dated, I practically told him what to wear most of the time because he was just clueless about his appearance.  But he does get a little touchy when you mention his hair.  Anyway, he really had postponed the idea of cutting his hair short so I was a little surprised last night when he said I could cut his hair to 1/8 of an inch.  So after the kids went to bed, I did just that.  I cut his hair; we both said we would need to get used to it and then we went to bed.
At 6:45 this morning, I wake up to "honey, I need you to come help me.  I shaved my head this morning and I need you to trim up the back."  Needless to say, I sat straight up in bed!  And sure enough, my hubs' hair was all gone.  So we fixed it up and off to work he went.  I have to say that I'm getting used to it.  It is something I didn't expect. But I think I'll get used to it and love it.
I should add that since we went to Disney, he has worn a very fetching goatee!  I love it!  I think it totally transforms his face and I just think he's so handsome.  Now with the hair (or lack thereof), he looks totally different.  But he's my man and I'm going stick with him through eternity!

Christmas quotes 2011

from Isabel when the Santa on TV asks the audience what they want for Christmas: "a baby" (and she doesn't mean the baby 'doll' kind) 
me thinking in response to this: "thanks Santa, no pressure here!"

Sammy in the van on the way home from school: "Mom, you know the best part about Christmas?  It is just fun for kids!  First, we get out of school for awhile and then, we celebrate Jesus' birthday!"
yeah, he's got his priorities straight:)

the things Sam says

Before we leave for church every Sunday, we load up in the car and say a prayer before pulling out of the garage.  Today Sam volunteered to say the prayer.  He did a wonderful job and even asked that we each enjoy our classes and learn something new about Jesus.  And then right before closing, he prays "and could you make church go just a little faster!"  Kurtis and I gave each other a side glance and smiled.  My son is such a darling.  But I'm not sure his prayer was answered in the affirmative this time:)