trying to keep up with myself....it's harder than you think

The last few weeks of June flew by and before I knew it we were in July!  How did that happen?!?  I've been thinking alot lately which we all know is a bad, bad thing for me to do.  But let's recap first.
Sammy had a wonderful time at Cub Scout Day Camp.  He got a bulls-eye on the BB Range one day.  He loved archery and he had a great time with his friends.  He got a little sick, we were a little worried but it all worked out and you can read it on my earlier posts.  Overall it went great except for the fact that I didn't go....not one day....not as a chaperone at all.   Kurtis went in my place, I had a great plan in place so even if I wasn't there, there were adults in charge who could follow my plan.  BUT I felt so bad for not going.  I felt like I let Sam down, like I let the Cubs down, like I let myself down.  The truth was I couldn't go.  I had several anxiety attacks in the early hours of Monday morning and it was 5am when I had my first I.B.S attack.  Irritable Bowel Syndrome is kinda like ADHD nowadays.  It gets way over-diagnosed and most people have no idea what the symptoms are....or how bad they can be.  Try immobilizing abdominal cramps, severe diarrhea or constipation, massive migraines, and humiliating sounds/odors/and other unpleasant bodily functions.  Add to the IBS symptoms, the panic attacks that are caused from anxiety of being somewhere public when the IBS attack hits, yeah those are shortness of breathe, fainting, vomitting, and sometimes your body refuses to move when you want to.  Long story short, ain't none of it pretty and ain't no way I want to experience any of it at a Day Camp where the nearest restrooms are port-a-johns and I'm surrounded by 8-10 year old boys.  That is why I didn't go to Day Camp.  That is why I failed my little guy by not being there.  And frankly, I feel horrible about it.  Sure some people tried to make me feel better.  Most tried to tell me to not let it get me down.  Kurtis gave me the best advice when he said "Honey, being a good Cubmaster doesn't mean you go to everything or even Day Camp; it means being organized enough that someone can fill your place if you CAN'T go."  There's a reason I married this guy....he just gets me.  Anyway, Sam had a good time and I'm trying not to let the guilt eat me up.  So let's move on to the next activities, shall we?
I managed to sew up two HUGE blankets for Isabel and Kalen and boy, were they hard.  I don't have a fancy sewing machine just a little one that Kurtis got me when we first married so it's not used to heavy duty stuff.  Both Kal's and Izzy's blankets covered our queen size bed.  Once sewn together, they fit a full size mattress....they are taking those blankets to college :)

I was lucky when a Raggedy Ann Collector got on Facebook and declared that she was GIVING away her entire collection to anyone who was willing to drive to her home.  I was the closest living one and had a free Sat!  My dad and I drove the van up to Wooster (about 2.5 hrs) to collect what she had. Some things were doubles of things I had, some were little things, and some things were AWESOME and stuff I would never dream of having.  I won't post pictures of everything but I got a very cool bench, a lamp, a few dolls, a full-sized bed set which has pillow shams, pillowcases, a dust ruffle, sheets, and reversible comforter, as well as books, a bracelet and other little things.  It was a great experience and a great example of the kind of people I've gotten to know through the Raggedy Ann Collectors.  These people are just as excited as I am about Raggedy Anns and they have such good hearts.  Hundreds of dollars (sometimes thousands) go into these collections and sometimes these folks just want to share them with others.  It's astounding to me.

For the 4th of July we did our first ever Fireworks.  In the past we've had a dog who was scared when we left him home during the fireworks or little kids who don't stay up late well or like loud sounds.  But this year we tried it.  We went to Kurtis' parents house for dinner with family and stayed to watch the fireworks. The kids liked it except for Zeke who fell asleep before they even started.  And to be honest, by the time we got home and everyone got to bed, we were all worn out the next day.  We did spend the 5th of July with my side of the family which was exciting for Sammy b/c he helped Pa make homemade ice cream for the crew.  He had "award winning ice cream" b/c he and Papaw won the dessert contest at the Blue and Gold Banquet this past Feb.  He's very proud of that fact.  Izzy even let me do her hair in a star pattern for the 4th which is huge b/c she never lets me do her hair.  Much fun was had by all but I'm glad we're back to normal sleep routines now!

Overall, this has all gotten me to thinking that I'm a mother of four.  A very frazzled, overwhelmed, sometimes disheveled mother of 4 lively, healthy, ornery kids who doesn't ever have all the time she needs to have to do the things she wants to do.  And there are often times I'm grumpy about it.  I'm grumpy that I don't have time to sew, to blog, to read, to write, to sing, to learn, to make music, to teach, to reach out to friends and loved ones, to spend time with each of my kids individually, to learn how to cook well, to make cookies for everyone, to do what needs to be done and what I want to do.  It's all A LOT!  And sometimes I get down on myself about it. The truth is the house is dirty.  I yell.  The kids fight.  My kids are NOT the smartest children in the world.  They do watch TV.  Sometimes dinner is frozen pizza.  Sometimes the laundry stays in the basket ALL WEEK.  And no I don't dust unless I have to....like when someone comes over and looks at the dust and then looks at me judgingly.  It is a lot of stuff, a lot of the time, and with a lot of guilt.  BUT I love my children.  I love my husband.  I love my God.  I love my home.  I love my life.  Why do I always insist on baring my soul for all to read....for posterity to look back and cringe at mom's brutal honesty.  B/c maybe someone else feels the same way and should know that they aren't alone.  Maybe I need someone to remind me that I'm not alone.  Maybe one day Izzy will be a mom of 4 and will feel the same way and will read this and know that she is not alone.  Maybe I'm just catching you up.  Maybe I'm oversharing.  Maybe I just need to feel like I have something to offer....little though it may be.  Either way, I'm entertaining!

Bravery lessons by Kal

Sam has been complaining about a sore side most of this past week.  Today at church we asked a pediatrician that attends our congregation to examine Sam and see if there was something that needed to be done.  After an exam, he told us we should take Sam to Children's ER to get an ultrasound.  Sam was very frightened about going to the ER and talked the whole way home about going. 
Kalen gave his big brother some great advice.  It went something like this:
"Remember when I was standing on the big couch and fell off and I hurt my arm and it felt really bad and I was crying and Daddy took me to the doctor and they took a picture of my bone and called it an x-ray and then they gave me a cast and then I had to sit really still b/c they cut the cast off of my arm with a big knife and it was scary but I didn't cry b/c I was brave and you should be brave like me Samuel!"
Kurtis and I were cracking up laughing b/c he was so sincere.  And Sam listened very closely!

ah, the stretch marks of life........

Sam saw some stretch marks on my stomach this evening and in a very serious voice said "Mommy, there are cracks on your belly.  Do they hurt?"  Kurtis told him "no, that's what mommies get when their bellies stretch out from having babies"  Sam responds "will I get cracks on my belly?"  Good to know that my stomach is a biology lesson

a little girl never grows up

I've had Raggedy Ann since I can remember.  I have pictures from my 2nd birthday and up of my beloved doll in my arms.  When I was 2 my mom had a little church lady make a Raggedy Ann for me.  From the stories my mother tells, I dragged that doll everywhere.  She had to wean me off of taking "Aggie" everywhere when I went to kindergarten.  When one doll would wear out, she would patch Aggie until she was beyond patching and then I would receive a new one.  I have 4 homemade Aggies.  By the time I was 6yo, Mom and Dad upgraded to a store bought doll but I started to outgrow taking her everywhere and she survived far longer than the other 4 though nowadays, she's missing her face. 

My mom's favorite story is when one of my "Aggies" had a gigantic hole in her forehead.  My grandmother took her into the sewing room for "emergency surgery".  I knelt down just outside the door and prayed for Aggie.  When Grandma came out, Aggie had a new patch over her head and (according to my mother) I ran around the house yelling "God healed Aggie!"  Ah, the faith of a child.
Over the years, I've picked up Raggedy Ann dolls and misc. from garage sales, friends, or various places but I've never felt like a collector.  When I stumbled upon a facebook page for Raggedy Ann Collectors and then a page for a Raggedy Ann Rally in Arcola, IL.  I knew they did the Raggedy Ann Festival years ago but I thought they had stopped them so I didn't even think to look.  Since being on these pages and meeting fellow collectors, I was filled with a new sense of excitement for Raggedy Ann.  Suddenly I wanted to bring up all my collection from the boxes in the basement and so, I did.  I took pictures of everything I had and made an album of them.  I started holding and looking at my beloved "homies" and enjoying them all over again.  I even took out that pattern that I've had for 3 yrs and said "I'm going to make her in time for the Rally."  And in under 30 days, she was done. 

The blessings continued when Kurtis said that yes, he would take me to this Rally and we would have two days together enjoying something that brings me happiness (in a geeky sort of way).  And so, we did. I just want to write down the amazing-ness of this weekend and some of the things that were running through my head.  Some of the once in a lifetime moments I had.
Friday night was the banquet for Raggedy Collectors.  With these types of events, you don't know anyone. You're walking into a room with 70 strangers and you don't know what it's gonna be like.  Because of the facebook page, I had been able to get to know a few people.  They knew me a little bit and it was fun chatting.  We all were looking forward to meeting face to face.  As we are walking into the restaurant, I hear 2 people yell "Greta!" (and they said it correctly b/c we had talked on FB about how to pronounce my name)!  I was enveloped in hug after hug, hearing these wonderful people tell me how excited they were to meet me.  People who could find me annoying, naïve, or dorky but they embraced me and just treated me like a lifelong friend.  Kathy even had the pronunciation of my name on my nametag b/c she wanted people to know how to say it right off the bat!  I had people who wanted to sit with me, no weird "where are we gonna sit" moments!  Pictures were taken EVERYWHERE!  EVERYONE was getting hugged, even husbands!  I bought a camel with wrinkled knees to get autographs from people I met and so, I did!  Friday night was just fun meeting people who's names I knew but their faces were "new".  It was crazy how instantly I related to these people.  One gal, Loujean, made a comment to me that she had started reading my blog and said "this is you.  You are real."  It really affected me b/c I do try to be genuine so it made me feel good :)  Of course, it didn't take long for me to get talked into dancing in front of everyone.....great way to make a first impression, right?  The best moment of the dancing for me was when one of the husbands was sitting at a table and I tried to get him to join the conga line. Everyone was so sure he wouldn't do it.  I just told him "your birthday was last week and this is your chance to dance with a bunch of younger women!"  What a sport he was, jumping up and following the conga line.  He is now forever, my conga line dancing partner!  It was one of my highlights!

Saturday morning was the day to get up and get your big girl panties on....we were SHOPPING!  The Rally was of course to meet people but they also had vendors selling Raggedy Ann stuff that you've never even heard of.  And that is where the fun began.  Isabel and I worked on a "Giraffe Ballerina Ann" for the Raggedy Ann makeover contest.  She looked crazy but Izzy and I did it together so it was worth it.  One sweet woman, Rose, even sold a HUGE giraffe to me when I told her how much Isabel loves giraffes.  I got LOTS of goodies.  That was another amazing thing...people brought goodie bags for everybody!  Everyone was passing out goodies to others....dolls, pins, bags, I got a piggy bank with Andy on a rocking horse from Patti.  Kathy gave me a t-shirt.  Loujean gave me two vests (see me in my awesome vest in the above picture).  She gave Izzy some dress the Raggedy stickers and more.  Robyn even had a purse that matched my vest....totally using them both next year.  I really did get a ton of stuff. So here's some fun stories of my "goodies".

The Toy box: As the day was wearing down, I had gone through the Vendor barn four times probably.  I just kept looking but my wallet was getting thin.  Brownie Statler walks up to me and says "I'm gonna make you a good deal."  He proceeds to walk over and pick up the 3 biggest items he has left.  They happen to be a rocking horse-type chair, a hamper, and a toy box bench.  I told him that I didn't have much money left and he said "that's okay."  He asked his wife what the least amount was she would take on the toy box.  I won't mention the price but let's just say that I basically stole from them.  I don't know how Kurtis and Brownie fit that toy box and chair in our car but they did (I didn't have room for the hamper).

The Arcola Ann: I wanted an Arcola Ann (from the festival in 2001) but I knew they were a high priced item.  I had talked to a few people about them but I wasn't sure.  Rose had sold me the HUGE giraffe and mentioned she had an Arcola Ann.  She made me a deal on both.  When she pulled out the Arcola Ann, we looked at the collection number.  She was #52 out of 5,000.  The lower the number the higher the value!  I couldn't believe it!
The Awake/Asleep dolls: I decided to get the Awake/Asleep dolls from the gift shop b/c Joni Gruelle Wannamaker (Johnny Gruelle's granddaughter) would sign them for you.  I walked in with Kurtis, Loujean, and Charlie and picked up the first box I saw.  It was #110 out of 5,000!  But the story gets better.

After we bought the dolls, Loujean was asked to go up to the schoolhouse to read to any children that came.  We walked up to the schoolhouse and realized that there were no kids to read to BUT Joni was coming out of the schoolhouse.  She stopped to pose for pictures with us and talked to us for a bit.  I was nervous to ask her if she would sign my dolls before the time allotted but Loujean asked her and she said "sure, I've got time".  So, she did.  She signed both my dolls and while she had time, I showed her my doll that I made.  I had made a wig for the doll and hated it so I threw it out.  The second wig I made was hard and I was not happy with it but I kept it.  As I handed my doll to her, she looks her over and first words out of her mouth are "I love her hair!"  I was so speechless.  I felt like crying!  I could not believe she  said the very thing that I was so worried about.  It gets better.  She still had time to kill so she sat Kurtis, Loujean, Charlie and I down and there in the little schoolhouse, she showed us how to draw Raggedy Ann.  She took pictures with us, with our drawings, and just talked to us.  When she was done, she said "I don't know what I'm going to do with these drawings I made to show everyone how to draw.  Why don't you take them?!"  We got to take her artwork, signed, home with us....for free....just out of the goodness of her heart.  We talked for a little while longer and as she got ready to leave, she said "Thank you for letting me spend time with you and share with you."  I almost fell off my seat.  She just thanked us for spending time with her!  It was one of those "I never thought I'd get to do something like that" moments.  SO COOL!

When it was all said and done, we were gonna head out but we asked some folks to have dinner with us before we left for home.  It was so fun to chat and laugh and share stories with these people.  I just love them all so much and there is a kinship that I can't understand, let alone express.  But it was so cool for me to experience this weekend.  It made "a hobby" into a "true passion" for me.  I can't express how much I loved the whole weekend! But I thought I try to share it....and so, I did!

Just a thought that popped into my head

today as I'm vacuuming and dragging the trash can back up to the house, picking up toys, cleaning up the kitchen and such, I had just a moment where I felt so blessed with my life.  I'm so thankful for a good husband who works hard so I can stay home, I'm thankful for 4 healthy children that can run around and scream and argue b/c they feel safe enough to express themselves, I'm thankful for a beautiful home that has survived uncertain weather in the last few years....I know it sounds silly but this thought came into my mind and I figured I'd better share b/c I'm certain it's the Lord reminding me of all the good

I can't believe it's not May

For the last two years I have thoroughly hated May.  The schools always seem to cram sooooo much into the last month and if you have more than one kid, you feel like you meet yourself coming and going.  It is crazy.  Isabel had a Student of the Month breakfast and 1st grade program all on the same day. The very next day she had Career Day and Family Read-in.  Kurtis missed the breakfast and program because Kal had Donuts with Daddy at his preschool!  It was just so much punched into a few days.  I didn't even get to see Sammy in his silly string battle with the principal b/c it was on the last day of school while I was having a garage sale.  It just makes me sad if I miss something and at the same time, I'm coming to the realization that I just will not be able to do it all....even if I want to.

me and my Student of the Month

she was awarded for being helpful

Uncle Joe and Izzy on Career Day

 

On May 23rd, I quoted this story on facebook: I made peanut butter on celery tonight and asked Sam to try it. He takes a bite and says "well, I've had worse."

 

On Memorial Day, we had a church picnic at a park.  Kurtis was in charge of running it and wasn't sure what to do so I had the Cub Scouts come and do a flag ceremony.   They presented the flag, led us in the Pledge of Allegiance, sang the 1st verse of My Country Tis of Thee, had a moment of silence and gave a prayer.  It was very simple, sweet and poignant and I'm so glad we did it.

 

On May 27th, I made this comment about Kalen and it's so true.  He uses all his toys and makes little scenes.  It is hilarious and really I tend to not mind the mess b/c of how sweet it is to see him play.  So Kal LOVES police cars and fire trucks! First Responders are this kid's dream...it doesn't matter if it's Transformers Rescue Bots or Hotwheels or Big Boots or whatever as long as it's an emergency vehicle. And then every single day, my little 4yo recreates accidents and crime scenes in his bedroom with all his vehicles. I would be worried if it weren't for how stinkin' cute it is.

 

Kalen had a preschool program on Friday night.  It was called graduation b/c some of the older kids will be going on to kindergarten next year but Kal still has one year left of preschool.  I can't believe how quickly all the children are growing up. It makes it bittersweet to watch them get older.  Kalen sang some songs at his program, we had a picnic dinner, and the best part of the night was when the preschool children sang Going on a Bear Hunt and Zeke was dressed as the bear. I didn't get a great picture of it but we have it on video for posterity.

Not wanting to be outdone after his siblings all finished their school years, Zeke decided to do something "grown up" too.  Zeke said his first full sentence today when he looked at Papaw and said "Here ya go!"  I now have a 4th grader, a 2nd grader and a second year preschooler in the house :)

Lastly, a friend from church loves to do photography and she took some cute pics of Zeke this past week.  First at the Memorial Day picnic and then at the Bike Rodeo at church.