Kal's growing older and wiser too.....

Last week was Thanksgiving and the birthday of two special little boys.  First off, Kal turned 6 years old and we had a "GI Joe party" for him, complete with grenades that would tick down and then "explode".  It was a small party but there was a lot of fun had.  But perhaps, the special moments that happened for me were one-on-one times with my sweet boy.
The night of his birthday party Kal was curled up in bed with me and said "Mom, thanks for making me birthday cupcakes and letting my friends come and play."  This is huge coming from Kalen b/c he never acts like this or thanks us for anything.
A few nights later, he was throwing a fit before bed and after arguing a ton I said "Kalen, I can't take it anymore!  I can't do this!"  After a few minutes, he meekly came to me and said "Momma, what can't you do anymore?  Can you not do 'me' anymore?  B/c I love you."  It melted my heart and I had to stop and speak softly to him.  I had to remind myself that he is listening and taking in everything I say.
We're going through some stuff with Kal and learning how to help him.  The child psychologist did diagnose him the ADD recently and we now have to start the next process of seeing how to have him treated medically.  Also, we're starting counseling for anger management.  All of these things makes the tender, sweet moments with Kalen that much sweeter and more tender.  I'm so thankful for him and the joy he brings us.  No one makes me laugh the way Kal does.  He's just his own special little guy and I'm really glad he's my boy!

a Zeke moment

Okay, so I just had one of those moments! You know, those moments where you're busy doing your Monday thing...laundry, paying bills, cleaning house, and overall just doing the mundane things in life and THEN that little 2yo comes toddling into my room with his empty bowl asking for "Mo' chips, Mom, pees!" And I say "yes, I'll get you more chips." but instead I stop and I look at this little blonde, blue-eyed boy that is MY CHILD and I thank God for allowing me to be his mother. I thank God for loaning him to me on this earth. I thank God for letting me hear that little voice call me Mom and ask to fulfill his needs. Yeah, one of those moments. Those moments that they don't tell you about in health class. Those moments where you realize your worth through the voice of your child.

Kid-isms

Tonight while eating dinner, Izzy asks:
"Mom, back in the old old days, when you were a kid, were you one of the lucky kids chosen to go to school?  Or did only certain kids get to go to school....you know, back in the old days."

(Premise: we are not moving, looking to move, or even talking about moving):
Kal to Sam: "Sammy, when we move, I'm going to carry all the dinosaur toys but I'll have to leave everything else behind."
Sam: "When we move, you have to take everything with you.  You can't leave anything behind."
Kal: sighs, with sad voice "I just don't know how I'm gonna carry everything."

catching up with kid-isms

Sept. 29th
while thrifting today, I picked up a HUGE desk for Zekey b/c his little 2yo body laid across it and said "my desk, my desk".

 Oct. 6th
it is very easy to be bogged down by the weight of the world, all the stresses and craziness in society, in life, and just in being on this mortal journey. It's the littlest things that bring joy to this life....listening to my 2yo snore while he sleeps on the couch, having my 5yo stop his insanity for a few minutes to say "I love you Mom", watching my older kids play with their younger siblings, having my husband say "I like your hair" or "you look nice". I get so easily overwhelmed by just living but I also am easily blessed if I stop to pay attention to the little things.

Oct. 8th
today while volunteering at Izzy's library, we had a little extra time in 2 of the classes. So the librarian let me read to the kids my book I brought "The Monster Mash". As all the kids were leaving and I was cleaning up for the day, the librarian said "do you think you'll ever go back to teaching?" I replied "well, I've been thinking about it. And lately it's been on mind." She said "Oh, I so hope you do. You have a gift for teaching. You are so good at it." It really touched me b/c honestly, for the longest time I've thought I'll never go back to teaching. I won't do it again. Today she really just made me feel so good. Maybe I'm not as bad as I thought

Oct. 12th
Kalen with his new soccer trophy balanced on his head!

Oct. 14th
so channel 7 was in front of the Rite Aid in New Carlisle this morning. I don't know why but if you are watching 7 news tonight and you see a red Caravan pull away from behind the little reporter girl, that's me! Yep, my claim to fame...the back end of my minivan leaving the scene of a news report

Oct. 19th
so after a crappy sick weekend, last night around 9pm, Zeke pulled his elbow out of socket (nurse maid's elbow) and we owe some free babysitting in payment for a "dr's home visit" by one of the pediatricians in our church congregation wink emoticon Followed up by the first words I hear this Monday morning "Mommy, my ear REALLY hurts!" Yep, that would be Kal who was not feeling well all weekend; into the ped's office to discover a DOUBLE EAR INFECTION! And how mean am I? I checked with the dr, gave him some tylenol and dropped him off at school. If it hurts him too much, they are to call me and I'll pick him up but we're going to give it a try. Bring it on Monday, I've got the guts to back it up

Oct. 21st
yesterday while dropping Kal off at school, I explained to him that he had to wear his hat anytime he was outside b/c of his ear infection. Today while getting ready for school, he said "I have my hat!" Izzy said "put on your gloves, too!" Kal: "I don't have an ear infection on my hands so I don't need my gloves, just my hat." 

Oct. 22nd
remember my post on Monday about Zekey's nurse maid elbow on Sunday night and Kalen double ear infection Monday morning. Well, it's official, Izzy broke her arm this afternoon! Fractured right elbow. she'll have a splint for a week till swelling goes down, then a cast for 4-6wks. Positive is she's left handed

Oct. 23rd
after running errands today with Daddy, Izzy noticed her loose tooth is gone! either she swallowed it in her sleep last night or it got lost when she ate lunch in the car. We told her that the tooth fairy would still visit. she really is falling to pieces!

Oct. 27th
when you're driving and your 8yo, with her arm in a cast, is trying to teach her 5yo brother how "whip nae nae" in the back seat. trying not to laugh my butt off b/c they'll think i'm making fun of them but what I really want to do is pull over and record it

Oct. 28th
Literally a fact on Sam's 5th grade social studies test: "There are a lot of _____________ in Utah." Answer: C. Mormons! Sammy announced to his teacher "Hey, I'm Mormon!" The teacher proceeded to point to Sam and say "Answer C (see) Mormon!" Sam was pretty excited

Oct. 29th
tonight while fixing the sheets on Zekey's bed, I found a DS game. Kal says "Oh that's my game I was playing in Zeke's bed. I haven't played it for 10 yrs!" I said "Kal, how old are you?" Kal: "I'm 5yo" Me: "then how could you play it for 10 yrs?" Kal, not understanding says: "well, it's been a long time; at least 10yrs. that's what I said!"

while I'm driving....

In the past, Kurtis has always taken the kids to school and then I'd pick them up from the bus stop. This year b/c of the change in schools and trying to get everyone to their respective schools, our routine has changed. I'm the one now who takes the boys to school. Izzy rides with Papaw.  I load all 3 boys in the van and drive to Sam's school first, then Kal's.  Depending on our plans for the day, Zeke and I just do what we need to do.  Then Daddy picks all the kids up at Izzy's school at the end of the day (the boys ride shuttle buses from their schools to Izzy's). Anyhoo....
While driving the boys to school last week, I was pondering what it was like for my mom when she had a 10 year old (as that is Sam's age currently).  When my mom's oldest, my sister Becky, was 10yo, my mom also had a 7yo boy, a 4yo girl, and an infant girl (me).  I have a 10yo boy, an 8yo girl, a 5yo boy, and a 2yo boy.  She was 30 years old.  I'm 36 years old.  She was a stay at home mom and wife to the Chief of Police.  She sewed a lot of our outfits, Halloween costumes, and made our birthday cakes with a cake decorating kit that she got a  garage sale.  She was den mother to my brother's cub scout den.  And if she had to, she drug us girls around to the den mtgs and put us in a corner where we wouldn't bother the boys.  She was active in her church and had a few friends that mostly had kids the same age as hers.  She even took all four of us to see Darth Vader when he came to the Dayton Mall in 1981.  She swore she'd never do an event like that again!
Needless to say, I have a lot in common with what my mom was and was doing when her kids were the same age as my kids.  I had my kids a little later in life than her, also had them faster in years as well.  My husband is able to be way more involved than my dad was.  Not that my dad didn't want to be involved or that he was absent.  He was there, quite a bit.  But I've heard the stories of the year there was a blizzard and as Chief, Dad was out in the snow, going to people's homes, and helping get them out.  All the while, my mom was at home with her 4 babies, literally weathering the storm and praying that my dad would come home safe.  I can't imagine the loneliness she felt at times.  But I've never heard her complain about it or mention it.  She just did it. B/c that is what you did.  You lived your life and you thanked God for the little blessings where the kids are healthy and safe and you have food, clothes and a roof over your head.
I love being there for my kids. I'm constantly worn out.  I'm exhausted.  We've had a rough couple of weeks and things are breaking left and right.  Zeke popped his elbow out of socket, Kal had a double ear infection, Sam broke a bracket off of his braces and Izzy broke her arm after falling off the monkeybars at school.  Add Halloween to the mix with class parties and trick or treating.  Costumes and candy.  Oh yeah, the boys' window began leaking from a rainstorm two nights ago and there is a leaky pipe under the refrigerator.  Life right now is not all peachy!  I'm feel hit from all sides in a way.  But I'm also thinking of my mom.  All that she's done for her kids and now her grandkids.  The hard work that it takes to be a mom. The guilt you feel when you aren't the greatest or you make mistakes.  Life is a series of events that happen to us.  Living is how we react to those events.  I have a life.  But do I live?  I'm trying!  Meanwhile, I have plenty to keep me busy driving my kids to school.

Raggedy doppelgangers

For my birthday, a Raggedy friend sent me 4 dolls that were completely blank...no faces, hair, clothing, coloring of any kind. I thought about what I wanted to do and almost immediately thought "I need to make one for each kiddo."  So that is what I did.
At the store, I was able to find some fabric that represented each child: Star Wars for Sam, Disney princess for Izzy, TMNT for Kal, and Paw Patrol for Zekey.  I did their outfits very basic, no finished edges.  First, it was quicker and easier but also I thought it gave it a simpler look, which I liked for these dolls.  I painted each face with each child in mind: Sammy has glasses, Izzy has eyelashes, Kal has freckles, and Zeke is just simply baby-faced.  The hair was pretty easy since the boys all have the same haircut.  They turned out great and my kids might not appreciate them but I  made them for me....my little Raggedy kiddos!

before

freckles

my muses

okay, silly muses

getting out of my head

I'm a pretty open person.  I like to believe honesty is one of my better qualities.  Sometimes it gets me in trouble. But the truth is that most of the time I'm pretty open and honest b/c I don't have the energy to hold it all together for appearances sake.  I'd rather people see me and know "hey, she's a mess but she's trying" rather than try to look put together but still really looks  a mess.  With that being said, it's a double-edged sword.  B/c I'm so open I think people feel they can say anything to me and I have to take it b/c I'm honest.  If you can dish it out, you gotta be able to take it.  And for the most part, I really try to take it well. Some of the things that are most often said to me are "you're so emotional", "you are neurotic", "you are so all over the place".  To those things, I say "yes, I am".  I feel things with about 150% of emotion all the time.  I've also been called "passionate" which is way nicer than "emotional" or "neurotic" :)  The point is that I know these things about myself.  No one is telling me anything new when they say that I'm too emotional or frantic or that I get worked up.  You think it bugs you? Try being me and not liking that part of myself.  And knowing that even if I'm trying to be better, sometimes I'm just not good at it.  So, what's the point of this.
Well, today I'm having a "stuck in my head" kind of day.  I'm overwhelmed that Sam is struggling with friends at school, that Kal is having to see a counselor, that my kids had to switch schools at all, that I hurt my foot while taking the dog to pee!  I'm angry with myself for not being able to fix all the little things my kids are going through.  I'm angry with myself for getting hurt over something stupid.  I'm angry with myself that I'm not the same girl I was 11 years ago when my husband met me. I was WAY more physically fit, more emotionally together, WAY more independent and a super tough broad!  I was "with it".  Now I have these 4 beautiful, stubborn, beloved children and I'm just trying to keep everyone fed, clothed, and somewhat mentally sound!  That's a tough order!  And some days getting dressed is optional!  That. is. life. 
So, today, when I'm frustrated and overwhelmed and overthinking things and wanting to be so much more than I am, I have to get it out. I have to remind myself that everything else in this world is bonus.  My Kurtis, my kids, my life, my God and my belief, these things are the things that make my life worth living.  Everything else is bonus.  Books, raggedies, music, friends, sewing, money, facebook, clothes are all bonus.  Nothing is guaranteed.  You just live and try to enjoy the good, endure the bad, and walk away from the ugly. 
I want to look back at my life and be like "hey girl, you were a hoot to watch fumbling around trying to be so much.  but your heart was in it for good or bad."  My heart is in it.  If I'm so emotional or so frantic, it's b/c I care SO much.  My heart is SO in it.  I feel it SO much b/c that's how I feel everything--SO much!  It may be one of my worst qualities and at the same time, one of my best.