I know how Dr. Frankenstein felt

I've spent quite a bit of time jokingly telling those who know me that my idea of the perfect retirement is to learn how to make Raggedy Ann dolls and pass them out to the little girls of the world.  I never really thought I would actually do it.  I have several patterns for making a Raggedy Ann doll but have you seen the hair?  So hard to do.  I could never do something like that.
Then one day I did it.  I made a Raggedy Ann doll for myself.  I wanted to take her to the Raggedy Ann Rally and was so proud of myself for making a doll.  I love her!  One of a kind!
After a series of unfortunate events (yeah, I stole that title), I found myself wondering if I could do it again. Could I make another doll?  Could I actually make a doll to sell?  Well, there is a parable that Christ told. Synopsis was that you should develop your talents, put them to use, learn and keep learning and you will be blessed.  I always thought I had two talents: talking and singing.  I didn't really imagine that I could do anything else.  But as I've done this thing, started making these dolls, started using my sewing machine on a daily basis, I've been blessed.  I've seen my creativity grow and I've found JOY in creating these dolls.  I've always enjoyed creating: song, blankets, food, drawing, writing.  I love the "productive feeling" when you create something tangible and have it in front of you.  Well, now I've discovered a new way to create and let my artistic side thrive.  So I've made 5 dolls so far and have several more in line. I've made a camel that goes with the Raggedy Ann story: Camel with the Wrinkled Knees.  And I'm working on another character as well as an Andy.  We'll see what happens and as of right now, I'm not really making dolls for all the LITTLE girls in the world but I know several collectors who have enjoyed their new doll a great deal.

another school year begins

The kids started school today and I've had a lot of thoughts about it.  I always love them starting school, having time to themselves away from siblings, something to keep them busy and occupied, a chance for them to grow.  But it is also hard to let go.  To watch them get on the bus and go off to be another year older, another year bigger, another year wiser, another year closer to growing up.  It's hard.  I posted this story on facebook last night and wanted to keep it on the blog for posterity.  It's a testament to being so proud of my children and yet, my heart feeling the weight of their worries.
Clothes are set out for tomorrow. Bookbags are ready. Lunches are packed. Everyone got a Father's blessing before bed. Izzy comes out and says "Mommy, please come talk to me in my bedroom" As I follow her in, she begins to cry that she is scared and nervous and she "forgot to sharpen a pencil for her desk at open house last week". I hug her, kiss her and tell her "Mommy left a sharpened pencil in your pencil case. It's all ready for you." I'm so excited for them to start school tomorrow but I'll be honest, I cried when I came out of her room. Letting go is the hardest part.
Also, here are the pictures....First Day pictures!  Fun, fun!

 

Reflection of a mom the week before school starts

 I am HAPPY and EXCITED for my kids to start school.  Sometimes I think that makes me a bad mom b/c I like for them to be gone during the day BUT let me clarify: I love my children.  I love being around them.  And I don't like that they are growing older and more independent.  But I also love that they get away from their siblings and gain independence and discover themselves as they are. I love that they have school friends and learn new things.  I love that they have time away from me b/c while I am their biggest cheerleader, I'm sure I'm their toughest critic b/c I see so much of what they can become.  I love that they have a chance to experience the world but still are in a safe environment.  Yes, schools are not what they used to be.  Yes, schools have had frightening experiences of late. But school is where our children grow, learn to stand on their own and not rely on parents so much.  School is where are kids discover that they can, they will, and they have potential to be.  So while I love my babies, I am excited for them to start school next week.  They are such amazing little people and I can't wait for more people to see them as I do. 

summer work is hard to do

Sammy was working in a summer workbook that we have each year. He is required to do one page of work each day for the whole summer.  Two days ago his workbook had the following story and questions.
"Sandra's mom offered to help her get ready for the new school year.  Sandra grew a full inch over the summer. Her shoes were too tight, and her pants were almost above her ankles."
"What do you think Sandra and her mother will do?"  Sam's answer: Put her on a diet.
"Which clues helped you decide?"   Sam: That's how you get unfat.
A part of me was sad that he wrote this b/c I've been pretty hard with him this summer about his weight but another part of me laughed b/c it is kinda cute.

Also, this week was the Cub Scout Raingutter Regatta. It is a double elimination race.  Last year, Sam lost his first race and then sat in the back and cried the rest of the evening.  This year, he lost his first race but came back to win and place 2nd in the Bear Den.  I'm so excited to see how he's grown.
I love this first picture b/c if you look in the background you will see Kalen helping Sam blow his boat...super cute b/c they do not always get along as brothers.

Last week, Kalen and Daddy finally got to have a one-on-one date.  They went to see Planes 2: Fire and Rescue. Kal really enjoyed his time with Daddy just the two of them and I think they both needed it.  Kal is our firecracker and he and Kurtis butt heads often.  They both enjoyed their time together.  It was sweet.
Kalen also started something fun two weeks ago when he started soccer.  At first I was worried that this would be a waste of money (Sam did not enjoy soccer and we didn't even try Izzy) but Kalen seems to love it and Zeke is starting to pretend and kick a ball around too!  We might end up with 2 soccer players.  Kal loves getting his gear on and going to practice and it's great for him to get out his energy!

 Lastly, Isabel got a manicure and pedicure for the first time last week.  There is a new place opened up for girls 3-14 years old to go get pampered, a spa.  They also offer a mommy/daughter package and I'm hoping that maybe for Christmas we'll get a treat.  She loved it and had so much fun being spoiled.

Lastly Zeke is just cute.  He likes to kick balls around the house and he is talking more.  He has started to hit back when he gets mad and he really knows how to throw a fit....typical toddler but I just love him!

And I'm over it!

I literally just yelled at Kal to leave me alone for a little bit.  Not 5 minutes later, he comes running in saying there is a big spider in his room and he needs me.  I grab a shoe just in time to see the spider go back in a corner, so I'm moving everything out of the way and ask Kal to move back.  He says "I'll help Momma.  Nah-nah-hah-boo-boo Spider!  See it's coming to me!"  And suddenly, I'm over need my space from Kal!

trying to keep up with myself....it's harder than you think

The last few weeks of June flew by and before I knew it we were in July!  How did that happen?!?  I've been thinking alot lately which we all know is a bad, bad thing for me to do.  But let's recap first.
Sammy had a wonderful time at Cub Scout Day Camp.  He got a bulls-eye on the BB Range one day.  He loved archery and he had a great time with his friends.  He got a little sick, we were a little worried but it all worked out and you can read it on my earlier posts.  Overall it went great except for the fact that I didn't go....not one day....not as a chaperone at all.   Kurtis went in my place, I had a great plan in place so even if I wasn't there, there were adults in charge who could follow my plan.  BUT I felt so bad for not going.  I felt like I let Sam down, like I let the Cubs down, like I let myself down.  The truth was I couldn't go.  I had several anxiety attacks in the early hours of Monday morning and it was 5am when I had my first I.B.S attack.  Irritable Bowel Syndrome is kinda like ADHD nowadays.  It gets way over-diagnosed and most people have no idea what the symptoms are....or how bad they can be.  Try immobilizing abdominal cramps, severe diarrhea or constipation, massive migraines, and humiliating sounds/odors/and other unpleasant bodily functions.  Add to the IBS symptoms, the panic attacks that are caused from anxiety of being somewhere public when the IBS attack hits, yeah those are shortness of breathe, fainting, vomitting, and sometimes your body refuses to move when you want to.  Long story short, ain't none of it pretty and ain't no way I want to experience any of it at a Day Camp where the nearest restrooms are port-a-johns and I'm surrounded by 8-10 year old boys.  That is why I didn't go to Day Camp.  That is why I failed my little guy by not being there.  And frankly, I feel horrible about it.  Sure some people tried to make me feel better.  Most tried to tell me to not let it get me down.  Kurtis gave me the best advice when he said "Honey, being a good Cubmaster doesn't mean you go to everything or even Day Camp; it means being organized enough that someone can fill your place if you CAN'T go."  There's a reason I married this guy....he just gets me.  Anyway, Sam had a good time and I'm trying not to let the guilt eat me up.  So let's move on to the next activities, shall we?
I managed to sew up two HUGE blankets for Isabel and Kalen and boy, were they hard.  I don't have a fancy sewing machine just a little one that Kurtis got me when we first married so it's not used to heavy duty stuff.  Both Kal's and Izzy's blankets covered our queen size bed.  Once sewn together, they fit a full size mattress....they are taking those blankets to college :)

I was lucky when a Raggedy Ann Collector got on Facebook and declared that she was GIVING away her entire collection to anyone who was willing to drive to her home.  I was the closest living one and had a free Sat!  My dad and I drove the van up to Wooster (about 2.5 hrs) to collect what she had. Some things were doubles of things I had, some were little things, and some things were AWESOME and stuff I would never dream of having.  I won't post pictures of everything but I got a very cool bench, a lamp, a few dolls, a full-sized bed set which has pillow shams, pillowcases, a dust ruffle, sheets, and reversible comforter, as well as books, a bracelet and other little things.  It was a great experience and a great example of the kind of people I've gotten to know through the Raggedy Ann Collectors.  These people are just as excited as I am about Raggedy Anns and they have such good hearts.  Hundreds of dollars (sometimes thousands) go into these collections and sometimes these folks just want to share them with others.  It's astounding to me.

For the 4th of July we did our first ever Fireworks.  In the past we've had a dog who was scared when we left him home during the fireworks or little kids who don't stay up late well or like loud sounds.  But this year we tried it.  We went to Kurtis' parents house for dinner with family and stayed to watch the fireworks. The kids liked it except for Zeke who fell asleep before they even started.  And to be honest, by the time we got home and everyone got to bed, we were all worn out the next day.  We did spend the 5th of July with my side of the family which was exciting for Sammy b/c he helped Pa make homemade ice cream for the crew.  He had "award winning ice cream" b/c he and Papaw won the dessert contest at the Blue and Gold Banquet this past Feb.  He's very proud of that fact.  Izzy even let me do her hair in a star pattern for the 4th which is huge b/c she never lets me do her hair.  Much fun was had by all but I'm glad we're back to normal sleep routines now!

Overall, this has all gotten me to thinking that I'm a mother of four.  A very frazzled, overwhelmed, sometimes disheveled mother of 4 lively, healthy, ornery kids who doesn't ever have all the time she needs to have to do the things she wants to do.  And there are often times I'm grumpy about it.  I'm grumpy that I don't have time to sew, to blog, to read, to write, to sing, to learn, to make music, to teach, to reach out to friends and loved ones, to spend time with each of my kids individually, to learn how to cook well, to make cookies for everyone, to do what needs to be done and what I want to do.  It's all A LOT!  And sometimes I get down on myself about it. The truth is the house is dirty.  I yell.  The kids fight.  My kids are NOT the smartest children in the world.  They do watch TV.  Sometimes dinner is frozen pizza.  Sometimes the laundry stays in the basket ALL WEEK.  And no I don't dust unless I have to....like when someone comes over and looks at the dust and then looks at me judgingly.  It is a lot of stuff, a lot of the time, and with a lot of guilt.  BUT I love my children.  I love my husband.  I love my God.  I love my home.  I love my life.  Why do I always insist on baring my soul for all to read....for posterity to look back and cringe at mom's brutal honesty.  B/c maybe someone else feels the same way and should know that they aren't alone.  Maybe I need someone to remind me that I'm not alone.  Maybe one day Izzy will be a mom of 4 and will feel the same way and will read this and know that she is not alone.  Maybe I'm just catching you up.  Maybe I'm oversharing.  Maybe I just need to feel like I have something to offer....little though it may be.  Either way, I'm entertaining!

Bravery lessons by Kal

Sam has been complaining about a sore side most of this past week.  Today at church we asked a pediatrician that attends our congregation to examine Sam and see if there was something that needed to be done.  After an exam, he told us we should take Sam to Children's ER to get an ultrasound.  Sam was very frightened about going to the ER and talked the whole way home about going. 
Kalen gave his big brother some great advice.  It went something like this:
"Remember when I was standing on the big couch and fell off and I hurt my arm and it felt really bad and I was crying and Daddy took me to the doctor and they took a picture of my bone and called it an x-ray and then they gave me a cast and then I had to sit really still b/c they cut the cast off of my arm with a big knife and it was scary but I didn't cry b/c I was brave and you should be brave like me Samuel!"
Kurtis and I were cracking up laughing b/c he was so sincere.  And Sam listened very closely!