what is humility

This is one of my more thoughtful posts and not really a complimentary one for myself.  Do you ever have self-revelations and realize that they aren't always positive?  Well, that is where I'm at lately.
On Sunday, during a RS lesson, we were talking about prophets of the Lord.  The conversation touched on the humility of the prophets....how they all felt that they weren't qualified or adequate.  Now, here is where my crux happens.  I've always considered myself a pretty humble person.  No one is harder on me than me. I'm very aware of my short-comings and really good at self-deprication so I assumed this naturally made me humble.  After all, just like the prophets, I feel under-qualified or inadequate ALL THE TIME!  If that doesn't make me humble, what does?  And let me just say that "yes, I think in some ways, it is humility" however, I was doing it all wrong.
Lately, I've been feeling terribly jealous/envious/whatever you want to call it about certain things that happen in people's lives.  For instance, we are still renting our first home b/c we have never been able to sell it...4 yrs later.  We have to be landlords b/c we can't find a buyer for this home.  It's not a terrible situation but it's not really one that I hoped to experience.  Recently, two families from church have sold their homes...quickly.  And it made me jealous; it upset me and I felt hurt that we have to go through the renting experience when others don't.  Another example is when we planned a big family vacation for this summer.  We had to cancel it b/c Kurtis' job situation is tenuous and we don't have the opportunity anymore.  I wanted to take the kids somewhere fun for a few days during Spring Break but we couldn't afford to do it.  We also did not get to go anywhere for our 10 yr wedding anniversary.  Now bring in a family member whose family is not only going out west (like we planned to) but they also went away for their wedding anniversary and took their kids to the exact place we wanted to take our kids but couldn't afford to.  I felt jealous, angry, and upset with this family, which is just ridiculous b/c it's not their fault.  They haven't done anything wrong.
So put all of this together and here I am, sitting in a lesson at church on Sunday thinking "I'm not humble.  I am prideful."  Who am I to assume that I'm entitled to have the same blessings as others.  I am blessed and challenged as the Lord sees fit for me and mine, this includes Kurtis.  I was so busy being jealous b/c I felt that we "deserved" to sell our home, we "deserved" a nice family vacation or a weekend away.  And maybe we do "deserve" some things BUT we, particularly me, are blessed as we need be.  We're supposed to learn something through this rental thing and just b/c someone else sold their home and we didn't doesn't mean that the Lord loves them more.  I don't get to be prideful and believe I'm entitled certain blessings.  This is a journey and these situations are set to teach me something and maybe that something is humility.
So let me just say that self-deprication is NOT humility.  Hardships are NOT always punishments.  And blessings for others are NOT always meant to be blessings for us.  And we need to be okay with that....if we want to be humble.

some updates

I'm so good at posting one or two sentences on facebook but then don't put down on the blog. But the blog is what I'm writing for posterity so I'm gonna copy so fun highlights of the last few weeks with the Ebers!

Today: BRAG ALERT: I have a toddler Raggedy Ann costume in my collection. I totally just took the pantaloons apart to make myself a pattern for a pair to fit myself. I then took an old dress I wore in a biblical play and sewed it into a Raggedy Ann dress! Add the cap and wig from the child's costume and a Raggedy Ann apron I have....and I am Raggedy Ann. Gonna order some red/white striped tights and get some make up and it's happening! oh yeah, it's happening!!!! I can't believe I did it!!!

Some people would drive a different route to avoid the construction zone that has traffic down to a one line highway but not us Ebers. We've got a 4yo who likes Mom to drive extra slow through the construction zone so he can see all the construction vehicles in action...so that is what we do.

Take 16 month old, lay him down to change his diaper and clothing, powder him down with baby powder, have him take off running totally naked, then have him come back and sit down on mom's lap while she is wearing black sweatpants and you will know how my day started.

April 5: Isabel thinks Henry B Eyring looks like Grandpa Eber.

While going through my bookshelf today, I found a pocket-sized New Testament that my great-grandma carried in her later years. Inside the cover she wrote "I shall pass through this world but once any good therefore that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any human Let me do it now. Let me not defer or neglect it for I shall not pass this way again."

While out with Kal and Zeke today, we ran a bazillion errands. As I'm buckling them both into car seats for the twentieth time this morning, Kal stops me and says "Mom, look at that truck!" I turn and see a trailer carrying 20 golf carts. He was so excited for this one moment of something out of the ordinary and I was reminded that it's the little things we need to enjoy each day.

Kal's priesthood blessing

Today, Grandma and Grandpa Eber came to our house for a day of play.  They took us out to lunch at Golden Corral.  While eating, Kal gets up from his seat and stands behind Zeke. He puts his hands on Zeke's head and begins to pray:
"Dear God, Please let us keep our baby for ever and ever and let him live a long time.  Let us keep him as our baby and never give him up.  Ever!  Amen!"
He then sits down and taps me on the arm.  "Mommy, I'm praying with Zekey....just like Daddy."
My 4yo gave my 15 month old a priesthood blessing in the middle of the restaurant.  It was adorable, sweet, and pretty daggone funny!  I told Kurtis that just when we think that Kal isn't listening to a thing we tell him, he does something to astonish us.  I love him so much!

getting to the real purpose....

So the real purpose of my blog is to serve as a journal for my kids.  a chance for them to look back at things Mom remembers or went through or just funny stories, meaningful stories, and so on....
But lately, I tend to post stuff on facebook and then don't translate it to my blog.  So today is a recap of some ponderings I've had lately as well as some kid stories.
I've actually been trying a lot harder lately to focus on the spiritual, to be a better person, to seek after spiritual answers and be the girl I think the Lord would be proud of and I've had a few break-throughs:

so I've tried to be positive today and I was productive (which always helps) but as I was thinking of my to do list, I had an epiphany! If I can do 4 things each day: 1. something for my family 2. something for someone else 3. something for myself and 4.something for the Lord. Then I've had a successful day...it's just that easy

 

talking to someone today about how my feelings got hurt over something and she shared how her feelings had been hurt about something completely different but both situations revolved around a person saying something without caring how it sounded to others. This got me thinking about how we, and more to the point--I, say something often with such abandon, assuming that people get "what we mean" and not "what we say" and how it can totally defeat someone without you even realizing it. I hope we can try to speak kinder to one another and realize that words hurt more than fists most of the time

 

wanna do a fun, daring and CRAZY field trip? Take 25 3,4, 5yos to Victoria Theater in 50 mile/hr winds with rain. Make them park in a parking garage in downtown Dayton that is a 3 block walk from the theater (also going on the same time as a show at the Schuster Center so we have to fight through parking and people for that). Then set them in the highest part of the BALCONY which is very steep. Seriously! I kept ahold of Kal's shirt the entire time b/c I was afraid he would fall over the balcony. On the flip side, Kal had a great time

 

sometimes when we have my teenage nephews spend the night at our house, we tell Izzy that she can't sleep in the living room with the boys b/c boys and girls don't sleep in the same room. Tonight while fighting to go to bed b/c she is scared, she shouts amid tears "I wish boys and girls could sleep together before they are married!"
one of those moments where I had to flee the room before the laughter came bubbling out of my mouth

 

for Papaw's birthday, Sam said he wanted a "Pa haircut". My dad was sooo excited!

Daddy/Daughter Dance

Each year, Izzy's school does a Daddy and Daughter Dance Night. Izzy loves it!  She gets dressed up with Daddy and they go out to dinner before their big date.  This year her restaurant of choise was:  McDonald's!!!  My school never did this so I don't have any memories like this with my dad.  I'm so glad that Izzy can do this and that Kurtis is such a good daddy.  Love it!

Izzy in her fancy dress

Iz and Dad

Kal gets in on the action

favorite mom moments

one of my favorite mommy moments: when you turn off the TV, put on some good music and the kids come running in the room. then you have an impromptu dance party in your pajamas with everyone

 

Today's dance party involved Lionel Richie

Kal, the funny man

a few funny Kal moments:

While wrestling with his Uncle Joe today, my brother comes out of the room and says to Kal: "tell your mother what you just said to me."
Kal: "I said 'Uncle Joe, your butt is SERIOUSLY gross!"
Later when asked to recap again for Mamaw, he replies "Uncle Joe's butt is just EW!"

While driving today, I ask "Kalen, do you think I'm the best mommy ever?"
Kalen: "No way!"
Me: "Oh?  So who IS the best mommy ever?"
Kalen: "Daddy!"

Lastly, yesterday afternoon Kal tells me "I'm going to be a doctor.  You lay down and I'll check on you."
Me: "okay"
Kal: "You don't look so good.  You need to stay in bed for the rest of the day."
Me: "Alright!  That sounds like a great idea!"
a short while later as I'm moving around the kitchen, Kal: "You are supposed to be in BED!  Dr's orders!"
I wish I could've followed his orders.

He is just a funny little guy!