while I'm driving....

In the past, Kurtis has always taken the kids to school and then I'd pick them up from the bus stop. This year b/c of the change in schools and trying to get everyone to their respective schools, our routine has changed. I'm the one now who takes the boys to school. Izzy rides with Papaw.  I load all 3 boys in the van and drive to Sam's school first, then Kal's.  Depending on our plans for the day, Zeke and I just do what we need to do.  Then Daddy picks all the kids up at Izzy's school at the end of the day (the boys ride shuttle buses from their schools to Izzy's). Anyhoo....
While driving the boys to school last week, I was pondering what it was like for my mom when she had a 10 year old (as that is Sam's age currently).  When my mom's oldest, my sister Becky, was 10yo, my mom also had a 7yo boy, a 4yo girl, and an infant girl (me).  I have a 10yo boy, an 8yo girl, a 5yo boy, and a 2yo boy.  She was 30 years old.  I'm 36 years old.  She was a stay at home mom and wife to the Chief of Police.  She sewed a lot of our outfits, Halloween costumes, and made our birthday cakes with a cake decorating kit that she got a  garage sale.  She was den mother to my brother's cub scout den.  And if she had to, she drug us girls around to the den mtgs and put us in a corner where we wouldn't bother the boys.  She was active in her church and had a few friends that mostly had kids the same age as hers.  She even took all four of us to see Darth Vader when he came to the Dayton Mall in 1981.  She swore she'd never do an event like that again!
Needless to say, I have a lot in common with what my mom was and was doing when her kids were the same age as my kids.  I had my kids a little later in life than her, also had them faster in years as well.  My husband is able to be way more involved than my dad was.  Not that my dad didn't want to be involved or that he was absent.  He was there, quite a bit.  But I've heard the stories of the year there was a blizzard and as Chief, Dad was out in the snow, going to people's homes, and helping get them out.  All the while, my mom was at home with her 4 babies, literally weathering the storm and praying that my dad would come home safe.  I can't imagine the loneliness she felt at times.  But I've never heard her complain about it or mention it.  She just did it. B/c that is what you did.  You lived your life and you thanked God for the little blessings where the kids are healthy and safe and you have food, clothes and a roof over your head.
I love being there for my kids. I'm constantly worn out.  I'm exhausted.  We've had a rough couple of weeks and things are breaking left and right.  Zeke popped his elbow out of socket, Kal had a double ear infection, Sam broke a bracket off of his braces and Izzy broke her arm after falling off the monkeybars at school.  Add Halloween to the mix with class parties and trick or treating.  Costumes and candy.  Oh yeah, the boys' window began leaking from a rainstorm two nights ago and there is a leaky pipe under the refrigerator.  Life right now is not all peachy!  I'm feel hit from all sides in a way.  But I'm also thinking of my mom.  All that she's done for her kids and now her grandkids.  The hard work that it takes to be a mom. The guilt you feel when you aren't the greatest or you make mistakes.  Life is a series of events that happen to us.  Living is how we react to those events.  I have a life.  But do I live?  I'm trying!  Meanwhile, I have plenty to keep me busy driving my kids to school.

Raggedy doppelgangers

For my birthday, a Raggedy friend sent me 4 dolls that were completely blank...no faces, hair, clothing, coloring of any kind. I thought about what I wanted to do and almost immediately thought "I need to make one for each kiddo."  So that is what I did.
At the store, I was able to find some fabric that represented each child: Star Wars for Sam, Disney princess for Izzy, TMNT for Kal, and Paw Patrol for Zekey.  I did their outfits very basic, no finished edges.  First, it was quicker and easier but also I thought it gave it a simpler look, which I liked for these dolls.  I painted each face with each child in mind: Sammy has glasses, Izzy has eyelashes, Kal has freckles, and Zeke is just simply baby-faced.  The hair was pretty easy since the boys all have the same haircut.  They turned out great and my kids might not appreciate them but I  made them for me....my little Raggedy kiddos!

before

freckles

my muses

okay, silly muses

getting out of my head

I'm a pretty open person.  I like to believe honesty is one of my better qualities.  Sometimes it gets me in trouble. But the truth is that most of the time I'm pretty open and honest b/c I don't have the energy to hold it all together for appearances sake.  I'd rather people see me and know "hey, she's a mess but she's trying" rather than try to look put together but still really looks  a mess.  With that being said, it's a double-edged sword.  B/c I'm so open I think people feel they can say anything to me and I have to take it b/c I'm honest.  If you can dish it out, you gotta be able to take it.  And for the most part, I really try to take it well. Some of the things that are most often said to me are "you're so emotional", "you are neurotic", "you are so all over the place".  To those things, I say "yes, I am".  I feel things with about 150% of emotion all the time.  I've also been called "passionate" which is way nicer than "emotional" or "neurotic" :)  The point is that I know these things about myself.  No one is telling me anything new when they say that I'm too emotional or frantic or that I get worked up.  You think it bugs you? Try being me and not liking that part of myself.  And knowing that even if I'm trying to be better, sometimes I'm just not good at it.  So, what's the point of this.
Well, today I'm having a "stuck in my head" kind of day.  I'm overwhelmed that Sam is struggling with friends at school, that Kal is having to see a counselor, that my kids had to switch schools at all, that I hurt my foot while taking the dog to pee!  I'm angry with myself for not being able to fix all the little things my kids are going through.  I'm angry with myself for getting hurt over something stupid.  I'm angry with myself that I'm not the same girl I was 11 years ago when my husband met me. I was WAY more physically fit, more emotionally together, WAY more independent and a super tough broad!  I was "with it".  Now I have these 4 beautiful, stubborn, beloved children and I'm just trying to keep everyone fed, clothed, and somewhat mentally sound!  That's a tough order!  And some days getting dressed is optional!  That. is. life. 
So, today, when I'm frustrated and overwhelmed and overthinking things and wanting to be so much more than I am, I have to get it out. I have to remind myself that everything else in this world is bonus.  My Kurtis, my kids, my life, my God and my belief, these things are the things that make my life worth living.  Everything else is bonus.  Books, raggedies, music, friends, sewing, money, facebook, clothes are all bonus.  Nothing is guaranteed.  You just live and try to enjoy the good, endure the bad, and walk away from the ugly. 
I want to look back at my life and be like "hey girl, you were a hoot to watch fumbling around trying to be so much.  but your heart was in it for good or bad."  My heart is in it.  If I'm so emotional or so frantic, it's b/c I care SO much.  My heart is SO in it.  I feel it SO much b/c that's how I feel everything--SO much!  It may be one of my worst qualities and at the same time, one of my best. 

First Day of School 2015-2016

So as mentioned in earlier posts, the kids started school last week.  We are now Tecumseh Arrows!  What made it all a little crazy is that Tecumseh Elementary Schools are divided by grade, meaning that I have one child in each elementary building.  Kal is in the K-1 bldg, Izzy is in 2-3 bldg and Sam is the big man in the 4-5 bldg.  Got all that?  Good, b/c I'm still a little lost!
So Sam and Izzy started on Tuesday and Kal's kindergarten orientation consisted of 5-6 kids from his class and their parents attending an hour and a half meeting with the teacher.  He and I were scheduled for Tuesday morning.  Zeke babysat Papaw :)  What made the week slightly confusing was that kindergarten did their orientation mtgs for Tues and Wed and then on Thursday half of the class attended all day (Kalen was that day) and then the other half of the class attended on Friday.  So Kal went to kindergarten with me for a few hours on Tues., had all day school on Thurs and nothing on Wed & Fri.  So really we've been counting this week, as his first consistent attendance, the beginning of school for Kalen.
Below are attached the obligatory first day of school pictures and some entries of each day with Kal!

Thursday, Aug. 20th:
Well, we did it today! We dropped off Big Man Kal for his first full day of kindergarten. I pulled into the school lot and he said "I can't wait to play on that playground!" He held Dad's hand walking in to the bldg and then said "Thanks Dad! I know where to go now." Then walked off by himself. After Kurtis came back out of the school, I sobbed in the parking lot and the drive home. Isn't it supposed to be easier with the 3rd one!?! One more baby flew away from the nest

After he got home that day:
He just got home and said "Hey come here and hear about my day! I had a WONDERFUL day. Sometimes I got in trouble and sometimes I didn't." I also got a note from his teacher asking that we discuss the "importance of listening and following directions. He talked and interrupted nearly constantly." Trying to not let that bother me.

Monday, Aug. 24th:Took Kal to school today (2nd day of kindergarten). I asked him if he wanted me to walk him to the door and he said yes. As we come up to the sidewalk, he sees a boy from his class and says hi. Then looks at me and says "Mom, that's a new friend of mine. Could you not hold my hand?" What?!?! I'm already ditched in the first few minutes!! Yeah, yeah, he's growing up; being independent; should be a proud mom.

Today, Tuesday, Aug. 25th:
He asked me if he could walk up to school by himself.  He didn't even want me to walk him to the door!  But at least he came home with a good behavior report!

what you really see when you stop to look

In an earlier post, I mentioned how the kids were forced to switch school districts with a little over a week before school started.  I mentioned how they handled it so well and had great attitudes.  But I've really stopped and watched things come together and recognized God's Hands in many of the small details.  And honestly, it would be wrong of me not to share.
When we got the call about Sammy switching schools, I was really upset and distraught.  But I wiped off my tears, loaded the kids up and headed to the new school to register him.  It was a welcome surprise when I realized that the principal of Sammy's school is our neighbor gal who lives across the street.  It was also a blessing that the school librarian was in the office when I was signing him up.  She listened to me tell the secretary all of what had happened.  Then as we were finishing paperwork, she said "I have a few minutes.  Can I give you a tour of the school?"  She then proceeded to take me and my 4 kiddos around the building, showing Sam where music, art, gym, lunch, the restrooms, library, his homeroom, where EVERYTHING was.  As we were walking out the door, Sam hugged her and she said "I'm a hugger too!"  When I went to pick him up from his first day of school, the librarian was standing next to Sam outside the school.  She saw him waiting for me and talked to him. Then he hugged her as he walked to the van.
At Izzy's school registration, I got a text from my sister saying that one of the 3rd grade teachers taught both my nephews and was close to my sister.  Mrs. Landes had told Tara to have me request her.  Well, school started in a week and I was pretty sure they wouldn't like me requesting a teacher but I did it. And got the run-around.  The secretary and principal both said they didn't think it would happen but someone would call me the next day and let me know what happened.  No one called me the next day.  I called the principal and he said he would speak to Mrs. Landes and personally call me back later and tell me what was decided.  I received a call in less than an hour later.  The neighbor girl/principal I mentioned earlier?  Yeah, she called the other principal and told him we were good people and he should work with us.  Then he spoke to Mrs. Landes and she said she would love to have Isabel.  He called me back and she was put with Mrs. Landes.  When we went to Open House two days later, Izzy ran up to Mrs. Landes and hugged her. At their first meeting!  For Isabel that is huge!  To make it more special, on her first day, my dad went to take Izzy and drop her off.  He asked the principal if he could walk her to her class and Mr. Burkholder said "I'm going that way, why don't you let me take her."  He held her hand and walked her right into the school.
Kalen's transition seemed to be easier b/c he hadn't started any school yet.  But as we started to do the registering process, we were met with friendly faces yet again.  One of the special ed teachers at Kal's school has a son who had been attending Bethel with Sammy and we've known her for a few years now.  She was at kindergarten assessment, the open house, and there on the first day of school.  Kal looks for her and waves when he sees her.  My mom and dad also know the secretary at Kal's school from when my nephews were in elementary school and she has really helped me to stay calm and reassured.
How could it be that the Lord knew I would need these little reassurances?  Maybe He wasn't sure I would notice.  But I did!  I've been so aware of His presence through all of this.  Even when we were at Children's Hospital this past weekend with Zeke, a friend of church was getting off of work and stopped in to see us.  The Lord has been walking alongside me the last two weeks and I've noticed!  I've seen His Hand, I've felt His love, and I've witnesses His angels!

summer snippets

Only my 2yo would spend the last 15 minutes crying b/c his toys wouldn't fit in his "pocket" and since his shorts don't have pockets that means we're shoving toys in his waistband and they either fall out or hurt.

I may actually have one hour of peace today. Pulled out the old Scooby Doo VHS tape and hooked the VCR up to the tv. Now all 4 kids are watching it and I'm in heaven.

was at WalMart at 8am to get school supplies....lots of money! ugh Highlight of the morning courtesy of Sam: "Mom, one day when I go on a date, I will take her to McDonald's and get 2 hashbrowns. Then we'll go someplace a little more private, like the back yard of our house and I'll share my hashbrowns with her." Oh my Sam.

so fun story that shows the tender mercies in life: while having the garage sale today, I'd just received a letter from Bethel letting us know that Kal wouldn't be attending Bethel. I was really disappointed and trying to keep it hidden. A friend/neighbor gal pulls up and comes into the sale. She says that she just got back from an exhibit/show where she sells mascara. Another vendor had approached her and asked if she knew anyone named "Greta"(pronounced short e). She said "No, but I know someone named Greta (with a long e)"  The vendor told her that she had this bag and knew no one with that name so Becky Stevens could have it. She dropped it off to me for Free! It totally made my day as I usually have nothing with my name.

why does time seem to speed up and slow down at will?

So we're halfway through August and every day I think that I need to recap July but never do.  So what else can a girl do but stay up late in the evening to try to get it done.  I tend to mark summer by major activities.  For instance, Summer 2015 was prioritized like this: 1. Raggedy Ann Rally 2. Cub Scout Day Camp 3.Sam Swim Team/Kal T-ball 4. Eber Family Reunion 5. finish off summer before Back to school prep!
So let me elaborate on some highlights!
Sam's Swim Team: Sam asked to join the swim team this year and I was against it. He isn't a real competitive sports kinda guy and I was afraid it would be rough on him but Boy, was I wrong.  It was only 8 weeks with 2 practices a week with a swim meet every Wed.  I thought he wouldn't learn much but it would be a more relaxed approach for him.  He did great!  It was rough the first couple weeks but by the end, he was earning ribbons for 3rd, 4th, and 5th place!  He started out in one race and by the last meet swam in 4 races including 2 relays.  He tried and maybe he wasn't the fastest swimmer but there is no doubt in my mind that he was the most improved.

Kal finished up his t-ball team and got an awesome trophy.  He is now in soccer and is becoming quite our athlete!
We also did an impromptu trip to see the Indianapolis Temple Open House.   This was an opportunity for our kids to walk through the temple before it is dedicated.  It was a lot of fun.  We had a moment where we were all standing together in the Celestial Room and I just felt that this is what it is all about.  Being together forever!  It made it so wonderful!

We did indeed have an Eber Family Reunion.  I won't say I was overly excited about part of it b/c we were all in one big cabin with 12 adults and 26 grandkids (aged 2 months old to 21yo).  It was a lot of personalities, a few different families on different time zones, and many different appetites, schedules, and personalites (did I say that once already?).  But the kids had a great time.  The indoor pool was a huge hit.  We got to see Patten get his Eagle Scout award.  And Kurtis was happy which is important to me.  But I would enjoy it more if we each had our own cabin  :)
My Raggedies by Greta business has been fun.  To date I've made 34 Anns and Andys, over 15 camels, some Arthurs and Eddie Elephants and many teacup Annies.  I'm having such a great time expanding my knowledge and trying something new.  I'm finding that sewing makes me happy and helps me to feel important and creative.  It's also been fun to expand my Raggedy collection into something far more personal.
So yeah, I think that's pretty good for now!  Hopefully August won't be done by the time I catch up!